Keira-anne.com

Piping hot Red Rose tea is in a warm mug beside me, the delicate scent of Nag Champa wafts my way from a few feet to the left, a cuddlebug (also known to some as a dog) is contentedly sitting in my lap while another drifts in and out of sleep beside me and tomorrow is the beginning of an equally relaxing weekend.

Curl up with me and with this post. I need to tell you something.

Taking a break from my blog over the past several days has been much easier than I anticipated. While I missed composing and was never stumped for material, the time away has given me much refreshment and allowed me to make some choices about www.Keira-anne.com.

I like to blog, but I am not a blogger. While there are many who consider themselves to be bloggers and immerse themselves fully in the so-called blogosphere - which I am in no way criticizing - there is reason I personally never have. I started a blog so that I could write, share my thoughts, post snapshots of my everyday life and stay connected with family and the large number of friends I had living in places other than Vancouver. I have never been interested in the networking side of it all.

I feel as though I’ve lost sight of why I began to blog in the first place. While the actual writing was always very much the fundamental aspect to my blogging, the slippery slopes headed straight into tightrope territory. Soon, stats, fellow bloggers and blogrolls became of seemingly equal import to the content.

That being said, here’s my bottom line: I’m a 27-year-old woman living in British Columbia’s biggest city. Sometimes I’m a bit of a narcissist. Sometimes I’m not. I love my family and I love my friends. I love dogs almost just as much. I like drinking tea (with a load of milk and a pinch of sugar) and watching movies and pretending I’m a runner. I am downright passionate about the shampoo I use and equally passionate about the causes I throw my support behind. Sometimes I achieve monumental heights in the little things in life and sometimes I totally screw up and hurt people. I’m human and this is my blog.

It’s time to go back to where it all started.

“So, Keira-Anne, what does this all mean?”

Good question - I’m glad you asked! Sometimes the best thing anyone can do in any regard is to simply simplify. Pare it down, weed out the superfluous, get rid of what’s lacklustre and open the windows to let a bit of fresh air in.

The biggest change I am intent on making is pulling in the reigns a little bit. How that will look, I can’t quite say because I don’t know how to describe the change. I want to write real posts about myself without getting too deep into the abyss of it all. Sometimes a bit of privacy is key. This blog will also no longer be a social platform for myself. Instead, consider it a constantly updated resume on life. And no, you cannot have access to my references nor apply for a position.

Photo: CMPR

Secondly, the blogroll has been whittled down. Believe me, doing so was no easy task. Save for the odd enjoyable random read, including only family and close friends is what I needed to do. Long gone are the days of reciprocal link love as a courtesy. It’s nothing personal; instead just something I think is right for me and my blog.

What won’t change is that my blog will still be the place to come to read about all the stuff you deny enjoying reading about. Sure, there’ll be a juicy post here and there, some posts solely dedicated to my unbridled and continuous lust for Javier Bardem and even more posts about one girl’s quest for fabulous hair.

After all, what’s the point in having your cake if you can’t eat it (and get a little icing smeared on your candy-flavoured lips) too?

I started blogging in September, 2005 in an effort to not only express myself through writing, but also as a means of which to keep in touch with family and friends. It was the perfect way by which to keep people in the loop, so to speak, of the ins and outs of my life.

Since that time, my writing style, topics and passions in terms of blogging have evolved and become my own. In addition, one of the most wonderful outcomes has been the people I’ve met through this online medium. I have met some spectacular people and met some people whom I thought were spectacular. Hand in hand with meeting new people comes deciphering what is genuine and what is not - not only online but also in person.

While much of what I’ve experienced and welcomed through my blog have been huge blessings, the “blog world” has also reared its ugly head more than enough times. And while some of my best friends have come by way of the blog, I’ve learned that very few people are ultimately to be trusted. And so, I find myself feeling hurt, feeling betrayed and feeling cynical by something I once loved to do so dearly. Instead of deciding to stop blogging altogether or making my writing private except to a select few, Keira-anne.com is going on hiatus to allow me the time I need to make the right decision for me.

Can you believe I’ve had this post sitting in my drafts for two days and simply haven’t had the time to hit the publish button? Keira-Anne’s been a busy girl and working for the weekend. I put in eight hours at the office today and I’ll be heading back tomorrow. Anyways, on with the post…

One thing I’m really horrible at is making time for “self care” and looking after my own needs. I’ve been becoming a bit proactive in that area as of late, and one way in which I’m doing it is by flocking to a gym three times a week.

Photo: Hulala Retro Surf Wares

If you know me, you know how much I despise stationary cardio, so getting me to a gym isn’t the easiest task. I’ve also never been one to set foot on scales - I feel that what’s more important than a number is the way we feel about our bodies and our health. However, being that I now consider myself to have both a winter passion and a summer passion, I owe it to myself to get into tip top strength and sculpt my physique for the better of the sport.

A few weeks ago, I signed up at one of Vancouver’s women-only gyms and love it a whole lot more than the torrid affair I had with Fitness World a few years ago. Being in an environment without testosterone virtually eliminates the intimidation factor, and I can feel comfortable sweating like a pig with my baggy pants hanging off my ass without a care in the world.

I’ve started an intense 12-week circuit training group, and a full-body diagnosis is taken prior to the program and then again after the program.

My starting specs are as follows…

Age: 27
Height: 5′8.5″ (I could’ve sworn I was 5′9″)
Weight: 135.00 lbs
Body Fat: 21.2%
Lean Body Muscle Mass: 78.8%
Total Body Water: 35.4 litres (crazy, hey?)

I have to be honest - I’m surprising even myself with the momentum and excitement I feel about bringing regular exercise into my life. It seems like the exercise craze is becoming contagious.

A little over four years ago, the majority of people in my everyday life didn’t call me “Keira.” Instead, it was “Teacher Keira.”

In a former life I taught preschool and the years I spent doing so were, without a doubt, the very best and most important years of my life to date.

Yesterday evening I tagged along with my mom to her employer’s annual summer BBQ and there were more than a few kids there. One child, as it turned out, was a girl I taught during my last year at the preschool and she’s now entering fourth grade tomorrow (not the girl pictured with me above). I feel old. Subsequent to the BBQ, I posted a number of photos on Flickr for friends and family only. This morning I awoke to an e-mail from a very good friend…

“I see such exuberance expelling from your face. I almost wonder why you left teaching preschool. You seem like such a natural. I am just getting an overwhelming sense of something…”

She asks a very good question. When I first moved back to Vancouver in 2004, I wanted to focus all my effort and attention on one family, so I took a good-paying job as a nanny. As it turned out, the mistake was a huge one and I can’t count the number of times I went home at the end of the day in tears. It was the hardest five months of my life but I stuck it out.

During the years I spent teaching, I learned a lot about myself and about children. I developed fantastic relationships with the families that attended the school. I further developed patience, understanding and compassion. Some may even say that what I gained in teaching preschool is what has allowed me to stay in my current job for as long as I have. You’d be amazed at the similarities between 3-year-olds and lawyers.

While it’s no secret that I’m not terribly happy at my current job and that teaching brought me so much joy, I feel like it was the right thing for me at that point in life. I’ve always said that experiences and situations in life are either for a reason, a season or a lifetime. And though my Provincial teaching license has expired and I’ll never again helm a classroom, I know that if - God willing - I am ever to become a parent, there is no doubt that I’ll be ready for the task.

“It’s just this weather…the rain and the clouds,” is what you’ll tell me.

No, save it. It’s not the weather, the rain or the clouds. The truth is, I love this weather. I was born and raised on the wet west coast and have never once complained about our climate. After all, we do live in a rain forest.

Original Photo: Rachel Turley on Flickr

I have long felt that Fall is the most colourful, texturized and tangible season. It is a complete sensory experience; between the vibrant colours, contrast between warm breath and cool evening air, the scent of fresh rain on concrete, the taste of hot herbal tea on the tongue and the feel of everything altogether on one’s skin. It is simple beauty.

While most would name Spring as the season of hope, to me it is Fall that - quite literally - signifies turning over new leaves. Or, at the very least, shedding the withered ones. I am desperate for change; this seems to be a sentiment that is going around.

I have phenomenal friends, a fantastic family, a job that pays the bills, a really sweet apartment that keeps me warm and dry (though is running desperately low on closet space as of late) and a whole host of other things for which I am thankful.

Sometimes, however, the same things can get awfully tired after a while. I walk the same streets to the same office tower and sit in the same chair every day. I buy virtually the same food items each week from the same grocery store. Every morning I get the same coffee and cookie (and just yesterday realized I spend probably $30 per month on ginger molasses cookies alone!). I have lived within the same walls for more than four years now.

I don’t feel as though this need springs out of any significant event in my life or feelings of inadequacy and dissatisfaction. However, the truth is that my life has become encrusted with an overall sentiment of stagnant. So what gives?

Perhaps I’m an anomaly, but I am one of the few who actually embrace getting older. In fact, 30 doesn’t scare me; I look forward to it. You may find this strange of me, but it is, in fact, the truth. My reasoning behind this is simple.

Something I have come to notice about myself in the last year or two is that, as I have grown older, I have grown wiser. That is not, however, to say that I’ve reached any sort of particular milestone, but I firmly believe that worldly wisdom is an important objective to aim for.

What is becoming abundantly clear to me is the reality of human nature. There is beauty there, and there is also ugliness. Sometimes neither is avoidable, and so a perspective grounded in reality is crucial to emotional survival.

In my humble opinion, one of the most unsightly sides to human nature is the way in which people treat each other. Let me preface this by saying that I in no way purport to exclude myself. Mud slinging, talking smack and insults seem, unfortunately, to be a part of almost anyone’s past. The trials and tribulations of adolescence and high school practically dictate the necessity of these tools. It’s something we all learn from a very early age.

Whether it’s to feel as though one is accepted or as a defence mechanism, I believe it all comes down to the self-esteem factor. The beauty in aging, growing older, experiencing life and gaining wisdom should theoretically have a direct impact in this arena.

With age can come cynicism; with experience can come hard lessons in reality. There will always be someone who has what we want, there are people who live on sidewalks, children who go hungry, politicians that lie, family and friends who let us down. What is important to realize is the simple fact that no one is perfect. And with that insight, hopefully we are able to rise above what is ultimately minute, what causes us insecurity and allows us to live lives that are fruitful rather than rotten.

While I could find some comfort in sitting here, lamenting over what tries to tear me down or make me feel less about myself than I should or am entitled to is a wasted effort. I know what is solid and real in my life. I know who Keira-Anne really is (and she’s turning out to be a pretty terrific woman, if I do say so myself), I know why my family is so invaluable, I have unyielding trust in the precious few friendships in my life and for the first time ever, feel as though I have the ability to rise above what is fleeting.

In a media realm saturated with celebrity, it’s entirely easy to fall victim to unrealistic expectations. When we’re bombarded with countless images of seemingly flawless figures and faces, questioning our own appearances and bodies seems to follow suit. It’s inescapable.

And then sometimes there is the rare occasion on which someone says something simple enough to bring us back to reality. This morning I read the following quote on IMDb from Anne Hathaway:

“I wanted a nose job, but now, my nose is what lets me change my face a lot. Your face needs to have character…otherwise you’re just a face.”

This strikes a rather positive chord with someone who’s long secretly wished for a nose job. Perhaps I should instead just shut up and be grateful for the character that my face does have. It’s part of what makes me who I am.

I still want bigger boobs.

“What would the world be like
If, for every rose given
Another would be received?”

[source]

For close to three years, I have worked in the same office tower in downtown Vancouver. It’s about 22 levels of law firms, investment offices and other well oiled money-making machines. On the bottom floor there are two cafes, a travel agent, a florist and, among other things, a convenience store. This convenience store, however, is unlike any other I’ve ever been in for the simple fact that it’s owned and run by two of the truly most astounding people I’ve come to know in this city.

Photo: Humpalumpa on Flickr

Nikki and her husband Raul (who I’ve affectionately come to call ‘Uncle Raul’) are often the respite in the long days I haul at the office. Usually once a day I’ll slip downstairs to buy a scratch ticket, a mini candy bar or a Diet Pepsi. My real reason for the visits, however, is simply to engage in warm conversation - even if only for a minute or two. Today was much like every other day, except in that by the time I was done having my chat with ‘Uncle Raul,’ I realized I’d been absent from my desk for 40 minutes.

As I’ve said before, a father is an irreplaceable person in a young girl’s life, but there are many men in a lifetime that wear the shoes in an instance or two. ‘Uncle Raul’ has always told me that I can come to him and Nikki to talk, share, seek advice and listen. And believe me, to say that ‘Uncle Raul’ loves to talk would be grossly understating the truth. It’s a good thing, too, because the man has a lot of wise and well-learned truths to share.

Today we spoke of loving others and sharing humanity. How the subject even came up in the first place, I’m not entirely sure.

Photo: ~Aphrodite on Flickr

Sometimes, and even often times, we will encounter people in our daily lives that impact us in a decidedly negative way. They drain us of our energies and our inside light, and sometimes through no intended way. Something as simple as a misconstrued e-mail or disconcerting glance can have a crushing effect. Sometimes it’s people we know; sometimes it’s a complete stranger.

It is because of this very reason that it is absolutely both essential and crucial that we as human beings put forth an extra ounce of ourselves to show compassion; to show a spirit of humanity. And before we can gain the ability to show love and kindness to those we know and don’t know, we as individuals need to show love and kindness to our own selves.

What is important in the big picture is holding on to the truths that we know, rather than the often irrational thoughts and ideas that ping around in our heads like marbles. While those marbles are likely to roll away once they’ve been exhausted, what we ultimately know is what’s left behind. Through this, we can instead create and hold on to an awareness of who we truly are on the inside. By this, I don’t simply mean our personalities, but the fact that there is constantly a battle brewing between our sensible, logical selves and our egocentric selves.

Photo: hidden side on Flickr

What do I mean by this? There is an insatiable, irresistible and voracious trait in each of us that wants our circumstances to change, to move the hands on the clock to 5:00 p.m. when we’ve just started work, to part the traffic so we won’t be sitting in a highway jam for an hour, for that phone to ring, for payday to come, for our holidays to start…

None of that matters. Right now, I am sitting in my pajamas in a wooden chair, clicking my fingertips on a keyboard and sharing with you the lesson I’ve learned today. That is the only thing that matters right now - this instant.

Right now, you are sitting at your computer and reading what I just wrote. Beyond that, take stock of the very moment you’re in. Realize it for what it is, have patience with yourself, accept the current circumstance of this very minute and be okay with it.

Love yourself wholly, and the ability to love others will come that much easier.

I bought “Arular” last week and have been busy driving around and listening to it. Sure, the record’s three years old but it’s new to me and it is the summer album for this girl, this year. And yes, I’ve been M.I.A. over the last few days, but for very good reasons.

Photo: Snap Photography

I’ve been a busy little bee over the weekend and there is so much to fill you all in on, but alas, you’ll have to wait a little bit longer. I just showered, Bumbled, spritzed and now I’m heading out to Granville Island for a bit ‘o breakfast. More fun and more photos to come.

As a little girl, it was common playtime practice on lazy summer days to lay down on the spikey grass in the sunshine and watch the clouds in the sky. Sometimes I’d try to find shapes within the clouds and make up stories with them. Other times I’d swear I could see the Earth moving when, in reality, it was simply the clouds visibly moving, not our planet.

Photo: Sylvanfeather on Flickr

I think what I loved most about cloud watching was the surreal experience it provided to my young and impressionable mind. I’ve always had a vivid imagination, and that part of my mind’s eye has always stretched across the void into my dream world. My dreams have always also been rather vivid, though they come and go.

What I’ve long found most interesting is that often I’ll have a dream of little or no consequence - more of a snapshot of activity - and then at some point down the road, that snapshot comes to life. Sometimes it’s months later, sometimes years later. Even just last night, as I sat around talking with friends, I had the strong sensation as though I’d seen this instance before.

Photo: venkane on Flickr

I am thankful for the ability to dream and I appreciate the dreams I have. Sometimes they are painful or frightening, such as one I had last night. Often, though, the dreams I have can bring immense peace and perspective into my life. Dreaming is a very powerful tool to tap into what might be going on, unbeknownst to ourselves. That isn’t to say that every dream will mean something; often they are simply silly and not at all meaningful.

If you’re curious, next time you dream, write down a few key symbols that emerged and see if any of it makes sense in some aspect. Another idea, though one that shouldn’t be solely relied upon, is checking out Dream Moods for a bit of direction. It allows you to search those key symbols and comes up with possible meanings behind their appearance in your dream.

Happy snoozing!