Keira-anne.com

Perhaps I’m an anomaly, but I am one of the few who actually embrace getting older. In fact, 30 doesn’t scare me; I look forward to it. You may find this strange of me, but it is, in fact, the truth. My reasoning behind this is simple.

Something I have come to notice about myself in the last year or two is that, as I have grown older, I have grown wiser. That is not, however, to say that I’ve reached any sort of particular milestone, but I firmly believe that worldly wisdom is an important objective to aim for.

What is becoming abundantly clear to me is the reality of human nature. There is beauty there, and there is also ugliness. Sometimes neither is avoidable, and so a perspective grounded in reality is crucial to emotional survival.

In my humble opinion, one of the most unsightly sides to human nature is the way in which people treat each other. Let me preface this by saying that I in no way purport to exclude myself. Mud slinging, talking smack and insults seem, unfortunately, to be a part of almost anyone’s past. The trials and tribulations of adolescence and high school practically dictate the necessity of these tools. It’s something we all learn from a very early age.

Whether it’s to feel as though one is accepted or as a defence mechanism, I believe it all comes down to the self-esteem factor. The beauty in aging, growing older, experiencing life and gaining wisdom should theoretically have a direct impact in this arena.

With age can come cynicism; with experience can come hard lessons in reality. There will always be someone who has what we want, there are people who live on sidewalks, children who go hungry, politicians that lie, family and friends who let us down. What is important to realize is the simple fact that no one is perfect. And with that insight, hopefully we are able to rise above what is ultimately minute, what causes us insecurity and allows us to live lives that are fruitful rather than rotten.

While I could find some comfort in sitting here, lamenting over what tries to tear me down or make me feel less about myself than I should or am entitled to is a wasted effort. I know what is solid and real in my life. I know who Keira-Anne really is (and she’s turning out to be a pretty terrific woman, if I do say so myself), I know why my family is so invaluable, I have unyielding trust in the precious few friendships in my life and for the first time ever, feel as though I have the ability to rise above what is fleeting.

In a media realm saturated with celebrity, it’s entirely easy to fall victim to unrealistic expectations. When we’re bombarded with countless images of seemingly flawless figures and faces, questioning our own appearances and bodies seems to follow suit. It’s inescapable.

And then sometimes there is the rare occasion on which someone says something simple enough to bring us back to reality. This morning I read the following quote on IMDb from Anne Hathaway:

“I wanted a nose job, but now, my nose is what lets me change my face a lot. Your face needs to have character…otherwise you’re just a face.”

This strikes a rather positive chord with someone who’s long secretly wished for a nose job. Perhaps I should instead just shut up and be grateful for the character that my face does have. It’s part of what makes me who I am.

I still want bigger boobs.

“What would the world be like
If, for every rose given
Another would be received?”

[source]

For close to three years, I have worked in the same office tower in downtown Vancouver. It’s about 22 levels of law firms, investment offices and other well oiled money-making machines. On the bottom floor there are two cafes, a travel agent, a florist and, among other things, a convenience store. This convenience store, however, is unlike any other I’ve ever been in for the simple fact that it’s owned and run by two of the truly most astounding people I’ve come to know in this city.

Photo: Humpalumpa on Flickr

Nikki and her husband Raul (who I’ve affectionately come to call ‘Uncle Raul’) are often the respite in the long days I haul at the office. Usually once a day I’ll slip downstairs to buy a scratch ticket, a mini candy bar or a Diet Pepsi. My real reason for the visits, however, is simply to engage in warm conversation - even if only for a minute or two. Today was much like every other day, except in that by the time I was done having my chat with ‘Uncle Raul,’ I realized I’d been absent from my desk for 40 minutes.

As I’ve said before, a father is an irreplaceable person in a young girl’s life, but there are many men in a lifetime that wear the shoes in an instance or two. ‘Uncle Raul’ has always told me that I can come to him and Nikki to talk, share, seek advice and listen. And believe me, to say that ‘Uncle Raul’ loves to talk would be grossly understating the truth. It’s a good thing, too, because the man has a lot of wise and well-learned truths to share.

Today we spoke of loving others and sharing humanity. How the subject even came up in the first place, I’m not entirely sure.

Photo: ~Aphrodite on Flickr

Sometimes, and even often times, we will encounter people in our daily lives that impact us in a decidedly negative way. They drain us of our energies and our inside light, and sometimes through no intended way. Something as simple as a misconstrued e-mail or disconcerting glance can have a crushing effect. Sometimes it’s people we know; sometimes it’s a complete stranger.

It is because of this very reason that it is absolutely both essential and crucial that we as human beings put forth an extra ounce of ourselves to show compassion; to show a spirit of humanity. And before we can gain the ability to show love and kindness to those we know and don’t know, we as individuals need to show love and kindness to our own selves.

What is important in the big picture is holding on to the truths that we know, rather than the often irrational thoughts and ideas that ping around in our heads like marbles. While those marbles are likely to roll away once they’ve been exhausted, what we ultimately know is what’s left behind. Through this, we can instead create and hold on to an awareness of who we truly are on the inside. By this, I don’t simply mean our personalities, but the fact that there is constantly a battle brewing between our sensible, logical selves and our egocentric selves.

Photo: hidden side on Flickr

What do I mean by this? There is an insatiable, irresistible and voracious trait in each of us that wants our circumstances to change, to move the hands on the clock to 5:00 p.m. when we’ve just started work, to part the traffic so we won’t be sitting in a highway jam for an hour, for that phone to ring, for payday to come, for our holidays to start…

None of that matters. Right now, I am sitting in my pajamas in a wooden chair, clicking my fingertips on a keyboard and sharing with you the lesson I’ve learned today. That is the only thing that matters right now - this instant.

Right now, you are sitting at your computer and reading what I just wrote. Beyond that, take stock of the very moment you’re in. Realize it for what it is, have patience with yourself, accept the current circumstance of this very minute and be okay with it.

Love yourself wholly, and the ability to love others will come that much easier.

I bought “Arular” last week and have been busy driving around and listening to it. Sure, the record’s three years old but it’s new to me and it is the summer album for this girl, this year. And yes, I’ve been M.I.A. over the last few days, but for very good reasons.

Photo: Snap Photography

I’ve been a busy little bee over the weekend and there is so much to fill you all in on, but alas, you’ll have to wait a little bit longer. I just showered, Bumbled, spritzed and now I’m heading out to Granville Island for a bit ‘o breakfast. More fun and more photos to come.

As a little girl, it was common playtime practice on lazy summer days to lay down on the spikey grass in the sunshine and watch the clouds in the sky. Sometimes I’d try to find shapes within the clouds and make up stories with them. Other times I’d swear I could see the Earth moving when, in reality, it was simply the clouds visibly moving, not our planet.

Photo: Sylvanfeather on Flickr

I think what I loved most about cloud watching was the surreal experience it provided to my young and impressionable mind. I’ve always had a vivid imagination, and that part of my mind’s eye has always stretched across the void into my dream world. My dreams have always also been rather vivid, though they come and go.

What I’ve long found most interesting is that often I’ll have a dream of little or no consequence - more of a snapshot of activity - and then at some point down the road, that snapshot comes to life. Sometimes it’s months later, sometimes years later. Even just last night, as I sat around talking with friends, I had the strong sensation as though I’d seen this instance before.

Photo: venkane on Flickr

I am thankful for the ability to dream and I appreciate the dreams I have. Sometimes they are painful or frightening, such as one I had last night. Often, though, the dreams I have can bring immense peace and perspective into my life. Dreaming is a very powerful tool to tap into what might be going on, unbeknownst to ourselves. That isn’t to say that every dream will mean something; often they are simply silly and not at all meaningful.

If you’re curious, next time you dream, write down a few key symbols that emerged and see if any of it makes sense in some aspect. Another idea, though one that shouldn’t be solely relied upon, is checking out Dream Moods for a bit of direction. It allows you to search those key symbols and comes up with possible meanings behind their appearance in your dream.

Happy snoozing!

Anyone who is truly from Vancouver Island can affirm how painful an endeavour it can be to return to Vancouver after time spent at home. After six near magical days on la isla bonita, I have returned to the city in which I reside, but it will never truly be home. Yesterday marked my four year anniversary in the city, living in the same apartment on the same street. My dwelling is the only thing that’s remained constant in my time here. The faces and experiences that have come and gone in these years are more than I can count.

Photo: tempest_kat on Flickr

I find myself becoming more and more cynical towards this place, its people, the events and the general attitude. Why that is, I’m not sure. The bitterness, however, is starting to take its toll on me and it’s really quite pointless. I think that the time is right for a shift in thinking.

Photo: I am I.A.M. on Flickr

When I was a little girl, my giddiness and anticipation for family trips to Vancouver was uncontainable. It was, in fact, somewhat amusing to my parents. The first major trip I can recall was to Expo ’86 at the ripe age of 5 and on the verge of beginning kindergarten. It was a quick whirlwind mini vacay, but I still have a vivid memory dotted with fireworks, the monorail, Expo Ernie, glittering high-rises and a kaleidoscope of colour.

Once I entered my mid-teens, with my coming of age came a fresh dose of independence. At 16, I was allowed to take my first trip across the Georgia Straight with a friend. Our plan was to hit the all ages Spacehog/Everclear double bill at the Vogue, but upon its subsequent cancellation, Nadia and I found ourselves at the historic Capitol 6 on Granville to see Trainspotting. (My parents saw the film once it was released on video and were rather adamant that, had they known what it was about, I never would have been allowed to see it at the time.)

Long before I actually made the move to Vancouver, I dreamed about the day when I’d finally live sky high in one of those concrete towers I’d so admired as a child. When I was younger, the city and its ideals held enchantment for me. On every ferry ride over, I’d sit at the front of the passenger lounge, skip ahead to Underworld’s “Born Slippy” on my Sony Discman and watch the distant city skyline as the ship pulled nearer to Horseshoe Bay. The anticipation I felt in my belly was intoxicating, and the excitement that struck me at 5 still held strongly at 16 and beyond.

Now that I have spent the better part of half a decade (yikes!) living in downtown Vancouver, the anticipation has dissipated, the magic has faded and the glitter of gleaming towers has grown dull. As I learn more about the world in which I live, the people with which I interact and the true state of humanity, my disillusions of city living have been nearly entirely wiped out.

What I have realized as of late, however, is that focusing on these shortcomings and pitfalls of the city are a wasted effort.

Instead of lamenting how disheartened I am to be back amongst the noise, pollution, yelling, smells and traffic of downtown Vancouver, perhaps it would be more helpful and make more sense to consider the ways in which living in Vancouver has fulfilled me and instead enriched the person that I am.

It is time to make an attempt at re-capturing the beauty I once saw here with innocent eyes.

Thank you, Vancouver, for being home to some truly amazing people that I am blessed to call my friends.

Thank you, Vancouver, for being the backdrop of experiences that have taught me invaluable lessons in life and love.

Though my square, concrete balcony in the West End can’t compare to the lush, green gardens at my true Merville home on the Island, it boasts a killer view that – both literally and figuratively – gives me a much needed perspective on a different side of our world. Vancouver Island will always be home, but I suppose this place isn’t as bad as I try to make it out to be.

Photo: Incognitocanuck on Flickr

P.S. High five to anyone who “gets” the post title.

…we just live in it.

The more I live, the more I experience.
The more I experience, the more I grow.
The more I grow, the more I learn.
The more I learn, the more I understand myself.
The more I understand myself, the easier it is to conclude what I want and need.

Photo: sirenbrian on Flickr

I still want to win the lottery, but not so that I can be wealthy. Though, that’s not entirely true, because my dream has expanded, and to accomplish what I would wish to do would require money…and probably a lot of it.

Photo: sirenbrian on Flickr

I love dogs (let’s all say “duh” in unison here). In fact, I am beginning to enjoy the company and spirit of dogs almost more than that of people. It isn’t to say I don’t love people, of course, but there’s just something about canines that is so unconditional.

I love walking dogs and playing with dogs and taking pictures of dogs and feeding dogs and spoiling dogs. The joy and satisfaction is, I could say, even greater than that I experienced while teaching preschool some years ago.

Being in the middle of a growth spurt of the internal kind, some conclusions I have been drawing have struck me as somewhat surprising. I have always dreamt of the married life with 2.5 kids and a minivan. And now? Not so much. Perhaps that will change, but today, it’s definitely not where I am at.

I want to be the old lady who lived with her dogs.

Photo: mosilager on Flickr

So here is where my expanded dream comes in: were I to rake in the big one, I know precisely what I’d do. I’d buy a spacious chunk of property, somewhere in the range of 20 acres, nestled somewhere between Parksville and Coombs. After building a comfortable home for myself (and pepper a few little patio homes across the property for family and friends), I’d build a kennel. But not just one or two little concrete and chain-link kennels. I’d build 30 or 40 kennels, built of warm cedar with soft blankets and countless toys.

And while I wouldn’t want 30 or 40 dogs of my own, I’d hire a round-the-clock veterinarian and create a sanctuary for abused, abandonded or lost dogs. The veterinarian could take care of the physical health aspect; while giving the dogs ample fields in which to play, run, rest and socialize would help rehabilitate them on the inside.

To say it would be my “dream” would be highly understating the truth.

If you were bestowed unlimited funds to build your philanthropic dream, what would you do?

Near the end of last summer, I wrote a post asking for readers’ response regarding tattoos. Being that it’s close to a year later and I still want the same tattoo in the same spot I wanted it last August, I figure that it’s not a dead issue. Allow me to preface this by saying that what I have in mind is not random (ie. not chosen off the parlour wall), has profound meaning to me and is mostly certainly not the typical LBT that many girls seem to get. Not that I have anything against LBTs, but being that I’ve never been much of one for tattoos generally, I figure that were I to get one, it’s going to have to be rather unique to me personally in several ways.

Original Photo: eyeliam on Flickr

This is where you come in. A good and fair share of my readers must have tattoos (or at least an opinion on them), so I’m fielding all of you to answer my questions.

Finally, for the sake of entertainment, I found this tattoo while doing a Flickr search. Though it’s rather - um, shall we say unique? - it still made me a little queasy to look at. And yup, it’s safe for the office!

A peafowl’s lifespan is roughly 20-24 years. After close to six months of age, it becomes easier to tell the difference in sexes, and once it reaches approximately three years old, the peafowl’s tail grows a cover of brightly coloured tail feathers, often known as a train.

I have long been attracted to the peafowl because of its vibrant plummage and unique physical stature. In fact, to this day I still own a pair of tail feathers that I collected at Stanley Park when I was just 5 years old. Peafowls are rather regal in appearance and are known to be creatures of habit. The colours a peafowl displays are completely surreal, and perhaps it is in that alone that I feel the draw.

Original Photo: Canuck Gtrplyr on Flickr (Used With Permission)

Anyone that is close to me and in my “inner circle” knows full well that I am in a period of immense personal growth right now. The best word I could use to describe this time is exhilerating. Rather than exploring beliefs, ideas and the like, I am simply exploring “Keira-Anne” and figuring out what she is all about. I can’t even say that I know where all of this has come from, but much like a young peafowl, I feel as though I too am preparing to display my vibrant colours.

CHANGE

Change is at the core of everything that I’m experiencing and about to experience. In re-evaluating what I value, what is important to me and what I ultimately want in life, the conclusions have been surprising to say the least.

Beautifully, for the first time I am understanding what it is truly like to surround myself with friends, loved ones and the endeavours I treasure and to be happy with that. I am not in love or “infatuated” with anyone and, truth be told, it feels fantastic! And beyond that, I’m even starting to question whether I even want a consistent, long-term partner in my life. I know a lot of happily married people, but I also know a lot of unhappily married people. I’m not sure why it is that so many equate marriage to happiness in life. It’s not a definitive conclusion.

The beauty of change is that it is constant and anything but stale and stagnant. That being said, it’s quite possible (and likely) that these views will again morph into something else. New ideas and concepts will dance across my mind and I will undoubtedly learn more about who I am as time goes on. What I cherish most about this season is that I am learning to madly love who I am, what I see in the mirror, the people in my life and the idea of living with less rather than more.

More of what’s good for me, less of what’s toxic.

For more than a week now, I’ve been meaning to share with you all some of the amazing insight and much-needed growth that I feel has begun to take root in my life. Forgive me in advance if much of what I write makes nearly no sense, but to me it is all very real.

Since the beginning of May, I have heard nothing but laments over the lack of sunny weather in southwestern British Columbia, and I too am guilty of complaint. However, I have discovered what I like to refer to as a new kind of sun in my life - one that is not seen in the sky; an internal sunshine that is starting to beam.

Original Photo: papalars on Flickr

I have long been known to give into my maternal instincts, and am very much a nurturer by nature. More often than not, this translates to putting the needs, wishes and desires of others long before my own. It isn’t that I wasn’t ever able to recognize that what I require is valid, but for whatever reason, I chose not to. Perhaps it’s because putting myself on the front burner was never an action that came naturally.

In truth, I can’t explain what’s responsible for the recent pivot in my thought pattern. Whatever has caused this awakening is unbeknownst to myself, but perhaps not to others. What I’m experiencing - and desiring - isn’t a great mass of literal changes in my life. It’s a transformation of thought and understanding into something that is new, bright and healthy.