Archive for the ‘marriage’ Category
TO HAVE AND NOT TO HOLD
Clearly I am not married, and therefore cannot have an experienced viewpoint on the subject, but I have a piece to say. It seems that every other Facebook friend I have has recently updated their status to something regarding their excitement over Madonna’s concert here in Vancouver tonight.
While I consider myself to be a lifelong fan and normally would do almost anything to attend, I’m not at all envious of those that are going. Though I can admit a daily addiction to People’s website, I’m not normally one to take an interest in celebrity gossip. However, the way in which Madonna’s purportedly handled the fallout of her marriage to Guy Ritchie has caused me to lose a great deal of respect for the Material Girl. I’m on Team Guy in this battle.
Original Photo: grittycitygirl on Flickr
To publicly slag her soon-to-be ex is completely unnecessary and undoubtedly inappropriate. There are three children between Guy and Madonna, and protecting them should be most important. Adults would have to be completely daft to assume that kids aren’t intuitive enough to pick up on what’s really going on. Putting children in the middle ground position is simply unfair.
And while I’m on the topic of marriage and divorce, it bothers me to no end to hear that a Hollywood couple is divorcing because their careers kept them apart all the time. Call a spade a spade and stop hiding behind that facade because it’s no excuse. The day you commit yourself to one person is the day you forsake everything else. That multiplies ten-fold when children come into the picture. And if career ambitions are at a person’s forefront, it’s my opinion that he or she has no business committing to a marriage. It’s a lifelong covenant, one to which everything else is penultimate.
"Open for Business"
What I am: I am the traditional girl-next-door at heart. Though I really have no idea how many different people read my blog and which walks of life they come from, it’s probably safe to say that there are more than a handful of opinions about me tossed around out there based on the content of my blog. That being said, who I really am is a girl with old-fashioned values. I know that when the time is right in my life, I want a home and a husband that loves me and can’t wait to be with me at the end of the day and one or two beautiful children that I can raise and bake cookies for and take to soccer practice. However, let me declare right now that I will never be caught dead in the dreaded “mom jeans.”
Photo courtesy of leomore on Flickr
What I am not: Despite my desire for a conventional domestic life, I don’t dream about a white wedding. I don’t need a majestic white dress, a glittery 3 karat diamond or a table full of presents. Nor do I want that. What counts is marriage, not a splendid wedding ceremony. Let me say that I don’t begrudge anyone who decides on that for themselves – it’s entirely a personal choice. In my mind, a marriage is supposed to be representative of a covenant between two people who have ultimately chosen to love each other, to care for each other and shift gears from living their lives for themselves to living their lives with another. It takes sacrifice, dedication, compromise and endurance.
We live in a world where, all too often, a person’s value system is greatly influenced and often dictated by what they’re exposed to. The definition of “family” has come a very long way over the past few decades, and I say that it’s all for the better. Family has little to do with mom, dad, kids and the dog, but more to do with the people that you love and care for and surround yourself with. The terms on which a marriage is based have also been undergoing some major facelifts.
I’m not normally one to watch talk shows – ever – but today upon arriving home from work, I happened to stumble upon one of the more popular of the afternoon set. Topic du jour: open marriages. As someone who holds strong beliefs to the protected sanctity of a marriage, the topic intrigued me and I wanted to know what the show’s guests had to say.
Photo courtesy of not.2touch on Flickr
A panel of therapists and psychologists sat on the sidelines, ready to jump in with sage words and commentary. The program threw the spotlight on a man and wife who, after meeting at a summer camp as counselors, got married and have been so for 12 years. The wife, Hollie, has a boyfriend. She claims that her husband gives her everything she needs, that she is lacking in nothing, but that having a boyfriend outside of her marriage just “opens her life up to more love.”
I was stunned.
I’m not married, nor have I ever been, but for the life of me I simply cannot imagine ever being okay with sharing my spouse with another person. However, this trend is apparently gaining in popularity among
“Extramarital sex is okay as long as it’s with strangers”
“Everything above the waist is fair game”
“Any out-of-town experiences don’t count”
The list goes on and on…
I’ve always considered myself to be a very open-minded person, and I wouldn’t judge anyone for governing their life in such a way, but I’m having a very difficult time wrapping my blonde head around this concept. If someone, such as Hollie, says that their marriage is entirely fulfilling, then why the need to seek pleasure from another? And on the other hand, if the desire to be with various other people never goes away, why stand in front of a group of people and commit yourself to one person? Either/or seems rather self-seeking in my own mind.
As I said, I know full well that this is not a lifestyle choice I will ever choose for myself. I don’t believe in the fundamentals behind it for my own reasons, and I know it’s not something I’d be capable of.
“Monogamy is not hardwired, monogamy is a choice,” says Dr. Gail Saltz, psychiatrist. “But that being said, what is hardwired is jealousy and envy and competition. These are normal human emotions and they’re difficult to control.“
I would believe that the number of people truly capable and in all honesty of sharing their spouse with another is a very limited tally. However, many men (and women) purport to believe that monogamy is an impossibility. I’d like to believe that that’s not the truth for everyone and that there are still many that believe in it and are capable of it. I’m not jaded and all hope’s not lost, but I am curious to know what you think about this forward-moving trend in today’s society. Is a monogamous and fulfilling marriage possible in the 21st century?
Photo courtesy of gruntusk on Flickr
If you do choose to respond to this post, or to comments that others leave, please do so in a respectful manner. Everyone’s opinion counts and is entirely valid as that’s all they are – opinions.