IT TAKES LITTLE MONEY TO CATCH YOUR HONEY
Toothpaste, toilet paper, potato chips, bubble bath, Kleenex and even tampons were among his purchases. Well, the tampons were promptly returned to the shelf. Anyone who’s within my age bracket (and grew up in Canada) must remember Joey Jeremiah’s infamous shopping trip to Shopper’s Drug Mart.
Photo: Playing With Time Productions Inc. through Epitome Pictures
During the second season of Degrassi Junior High, Joey misinterpreted “sexy” signals from the new girl in school, Liz. He assumed that an after school study date was an invite for sex – hence the impromptu shopping trip. As can be assumed, Joey was in the wrong and Liz promptly kicked him to the curb. That detail, however, is moot to this post.
For as long as I can remember, “use condoms” has been drilled into my impressionable head. It was a lesson taught to us by the kids of Degrassi, through our schools’ sexual education programs and, hopefully, something our parents were comfortable enough to be frank about. If abstinence isn’t the choice, safe sex is the only option.
What I have noticed in the last year or so – and what is completely surprising to me – is how the idea that condoms are a non-negotiable has been completely lost. While the situations are different for everyone and alternate methods of birth control are perhaps more desirable given varying circumstances, it is altogether amazing to me at how many people I come across on nearly a daily basis who’ve waived their right to rubber.
Photo: trec_lit on Flickr
Quite recently, I asked a girlfriend of mine in a fairly new relationship – less than two months – if they’ve discussed using just the pill. She quickly informed me that her and her new boyfriend never used condoms from day one. I was shocked! At 28 years old, I can truly say that since becoming sexually active, I have only had one partner I trusted and communicated with enough to forego condoms in favour of only the birth control pill.
This fornicating phenomenon doesn’t seem to end in real life. Just the other day, another girlfriend of mine seemed somewhat taken aback by this potential topic when I mentioned it to her. Only hours later, while watching Young People F*cking, two of the main characters got busy on a first date without a condom. “Trust me, I’m clean. And I can just pull out…” is all he said – while he was already presumably inside her.
For an idea that was thought to practically be doctrine as I grew up, the concept of condoms seems to have left the building a long time ago. Friends don’t encourage friends to use them (I won’t hesitate to shove a condom in a friend’s pocket if need be) and mainstream media shuns sheaths for more “glamourous” sex. While I could fill this page with more stories, I digress.
This is where you talk to me: have you noticed a drop in condom use, generally? And further, what is your overall take on sexual health and protection?
To learn more about contraception and sexual health, visit SexualityAndU in connection with The Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada.
And just in case you forgot, click here (NSFO).
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First. I love Degrassi.
And yes I have noticed a drop in condom use. Thanks to my friends, I’m scared off sex forever. I don’t get it, really. They’ve all had STD’s and gotten pregnant just simply due to stupidity, none of that “Oh well we did everything right it was just a fluke”. I don’t know how people can NOT be careful! I know people who are now stuck with STD’s forever.
I’m now thinking like, I’d make anyone get tested before I had sex with them, which is smart in my opinion but I’ll come off like some paranoid freak and probably offend someone so I’m gonna just become a nun I think.
I was out with drinks with some co-workers awhile ago and this came up. The two guys that were there said they never use protection when they’re in a relationship. Apparently the fact that they are sleeping with only one person means protection isn’t necessary. I found that rather surprising. It seems to me they are just asking for a pregnancy. There seems to be this renewed sense these days that “It won’t happen to me.” It’s like everyone has the mindset of an uneducated teenager.
I personally would never take the chance of going without some form of protection. Condoms are a must, and for quite awhile my bf and I doubled up on birth control forms.
Wow. I had no idea. I honestly can’t even fathom the idea of not using a condom until my partner and I have both been tested, and then tested again six months later (while monogamous the entire time). And obviously the birth control pill has been involved, otherwise it’s condoms 100% of the time.
I’m actually kind of stunned. I really had no idea this was anywhere close to common practice.
I have heard the same thing from others. I broke up with my fiance of four years in January, and so I was a little out of the loop on dating practices, but the first person I had a (perhaps ill-advised) hookup with after my breakup tried to get away with that with me. I was like, okay, if you will sleep with me without a condom right from the get-go, then how many other women have you done that with? HELL NO.
I now have a boyfriend I’ve been with for four months and we haven’t even broached the subject of ditching condoms yet. I don’t get it – it’s not a big deal to use one, so why put your health at risk?
I’ve noticed the same “trend” amongst my friends. Both men and women, most highly educated. Not using condoms if in a relationship is pretty much a given, and I would say that using condoms with booty calls, or uncommitted hook-ups hovers at about 50%. People often don’t admit to it straight off the bat–it seems to be considered more of a social blunder to admit you didn’t use a condom rather than a serious health risk.
It scares the bejesus out of me. Especially people who go along the lines of “if you want to use a condom, it means you don’t really love me or trust me”. Erm, no. As for the pulling out excuse, give me a break, anyone ignorant enough to put me at risk and potentially make me endure an unwanted pregnancy or an abortion doesn’t belong in my bed.
As someone pointed out, the scary thing is that it is an attitude displayed by highly educated middle class men and women who had access to sex ed and who most likely have access to sex clinics and free contraception (it is the case in France and the UK and everyhting can easily be obtained for free, I can’t remember how birth control is distributed in Canada?) i.e they have no excuse to put someone else at risk of emotionally black mail their (often too shy to refuse) girlfriends (and sometimes boyfriends).
Add to this that many STDs are asymptomatic but could endager one’s fertility if untreated (such as chlamydia) and you have no.fucking.excuse. Grrrrr.
Also, I have been in more or less long term relationships (+6 months) when I didn’t feel comfortable giving up condoms for a variety of reasons. Better safe than sorry.
/ getting down my high horse
They are a must!
That is all.
I’m in my 30s, and have only been in two relationships where condoms weren’t used.
Though, in general, with the other women I’ve usually been the one insisting on the rubber. That surprised me.
Maybe it was because I grew up watching Joey Jeremiah.
[...] Keira-Anne, who’s blog I love to read, has a great post about condom use amongst the single people these days. I wanted to leave a comment, but I’m so old, I [...]
Basically, I’ll ditto what Ross said. Wouldn’t even think of it unless I was in a long-term monogamous relationship! STD’s are still around, and until you’re *thoroughly* tested and can trust that both parties are monogamous, that’s not the kind of chance worth taking.
My friends tend to be on the responsible side, so it definitely isn’t common practice to go sans condom for anyone who’s not married, and even then many girls I know prefer to use condoms even in LT relationships rather than use hormonal birth control because of the side effects. IUDs seem to be becoming more popular, but only for those in monogamous relationships, because of the risks they pose if you get an STD with one (in women getting an STD while having an IUD has crazy risks for damaging the uterus so much that you can’t have kids).
Anyway, as a person in my late 20′s, I can say condoms are far from dead, I don’t know who all these no-condom people are, but I would be horrified if someone I started seeing even so much as suggested not using them!
Yikes. I suspect this trend has emerged because AIDS is no longer the automatic death sentence it once was, and people are no longer completely scared shitless about it. But that’s not an excuse: it’s still out there, as are all the other STDs that haven’t gone away.
And if you’re straight, here’s a note: my wife and I have two kids. For each one, we stopped using condoms when we were ready, and she was pregnant within ONE WEEK. That was a surprise both times: we didn’t think we were THAT fertile.
Now that our daughters are approaching their teen years, and if this is the trend, we’re going to have to be very sure to reinforce the always-use-a-condom message, preferably in conjunction with another form of birth control. They understand how things work already, but this bizarro social pressure is something they’ll have to be prepared to resist.
I don’t understand how people can be so relaxed about the very scary realities of STDs and unwanted pregnancies. The 1% failure rate of the most effective forms of hormonal birth control means some people still become pregant even with perfect use. And trusting someone’s statement that they are “clean” seems really naive and stupid. Sure, some STDs are treatable, and pregnancy is not the end of the world, but who really wants to spend the time and money on medications, or an abortion, or the cost of raising a kid when you’re unprepared? For the cost of a box of condoms, or the cost of a birth control perscription, which is way less than the cost of treating any of the previous situations? I double up on birth control methods because I have way more fun when I don’t have to worry about diseases or pregnancy because I’m doing everything I can. Am I paranoid? probably. But am I also clean, and pregnancy-free so far? yes!
In the gay community, this phenomenon is quite prevalent and is touted “condom fatigue”. Unfortunately, it is VERY common now, as Derek said, because AIDS isn’t the death sentence it used to be.