“THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD, GO I”
Breathe. It’s what I need to do right now. For no reason in particluar, I spent much of yesterday feeling as though I was suffocating. Blame it on PMS, blame it on the moon, the tides or whatever you will, but something just wasn’t right. As my day drew to a close, I slipped into a hot bath of epsom salts and French lavender oil and prepared myself for a full-body sob fest.
It never happened.
I slid further into the warm water until my entire head was submerged and them came up again. I couldn’t have cried if my life depended on it, and this struck me as odd, being that I fought tears all day.
Some of what I touched down on in yesterday’s post is only a slice of what’s swimming through my head. I don’t know why I feel like I’ve had these epiphanies; all I feel is as though the weight of the world is down upon me. I feel such an overwhelming sense of revelation and understanding into what directly impacts my own life that I wouldn’t know where to start unraveling it all. My brain won’t stop thinking, processing, understanding, pondering, realizing or cohering.
To some, this would seem like one’s going “crazy.” But for me, I feel the exact opposite. I don’t think I have ever felt more sane or rational and that is what is most frightening about it all. Suddenly it seems that I have been given a huge responsibility, one that I cannot take or treat lightly.
So what now? Who knows? Does anyone else experience this sometimes?
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It’s weird because I just e-mailed my friend telling her how I feel different today. I feel like a weight has been lifted and that there is hope. But I also feel like I have a responsibilty to do something. I’m going to look around and start volunteering in my community. It’s a start but I think once you get going in the right direction the right situations will come your way. Good luck finding yours!
Absolutely. Often. It does pass, each time leaving you stronger than before it arrived.
That trend seems to be going around. For the last two weeks, I have been feeling overwhelmed. I hadn’t cried in so long and it’s like in the last week I haven’t stopped. Always having this heavy, aching, anxious feeling that ripples through my core.
I have also had realizations of late, and most have to do with issues, I need to confront or important decisions I have to make in my life and for my future. Sometimes I think I feel fear beyond what I should.
I think I have been basking in my bath all week, it seems to be my safe refuge- somewhere I feel a little more at ease. Not sleeping well at all. Restless in mind and body. I really need to get back to the gym to work some of the stress off.
Best of luck Keira, glad you are seeing things things that you need to.
I can kind of relate to that – it’s like understanding more about who you are and getting a sense of what you are capable of. It is pretty intense to experience such emotions and thoughts.
It can be scary when you feel you have so much you want to do but you don’t know how. However, once you make a decision about something you want to experience, the resources to fulfill that will start to show up.
I don’t know if that makes any sense to you, but good luck. It seems like you may have an interesting journey ahead of you!
Yes I can totally relate.
If you’re going crazy than so am I! but my guess is that some of us are just made this way. This is how we move forward. This is how we learn about ourselves.
Yes, I have felt that too. Some days I feel like everything is to heavy and over whelming that you don’t know where to start. It’s a terrible feeling to have, but it does pass. Usually when it does, I feel better about the world around me.
Yeah, I get it too sometimes. Feels often like there are so many possibilities and choices and things to do that I just get paralyzed. It helps me in those times to try and think in bite-sized chunks instead of big pictures. Failing that, there’s always Haagen-Dazs.
