TO HAVE AND NOT TO HOLD
Clearly I am not married, and therefore cannot have an experienced viewpoint on the subject, but I have a piece to say. It seems that every other Facebook friend I have has recently updated their status to something regarding their excitement over Madonna’s concert here in Vancouver tonight.
While I consider myself to be a lifelong fan and normally would do almost anything to attend, I’m not at all envious of those that are going. Though I can admit a daily addiction to People’s website, I’m not normally one to take an interest in celebrity gossip. However, the way in which Madonna’s purportedly handled the fallout of her marriage to Guy Ritchie has caused me to lose a great deal of respect for the Material Girl. I’m on Team Guy in this battle.
Original Photo: grittycitygirl on Flickr
To publicly slag her soon-to-be ex is completely unnecessary and undoubtedly inappropriate. There are three children between Guy and Madonna, and protecting them should be most important. Adults would have to be completely daft to assume that kids aren’t intuitive enough to pick up on what’s really going on. Putting children in the middle ground position is simply unfair.
And while I’m on the topic of marriage and divorce, it bothers me to no end to hear that a Hollywood couple is divorcing because their careers kept them apart all the time. Call a spade a spade and stop hiding behind that facade because it’s no excuse. The day you commit yourself to one person is the day you forsake everything else. That multiplies ten-fold when children come into the picture. And if career ambitions are at a person’s forefront, it’s my opinion that he or she has no business committing to a marriage. It’s a lifelong covenant, one to which everything else is penultimate.
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14 Comments
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Marriage is a life-long commitment, and until people are ready to sign it as such, they should NOT get married. Great post Keira.
I think people have too much of the attitude that divorce is a viable, ok option IF things don’t work out. By the same token, to me a prenup is basically saying that you already foresee a time when you won’t want to be together. If you can’t honestly say to yourself that you can’t imagine ever wanting out, then you shouldn’t get married.
For Hollywood couples it seems like getting a divorce is the cool thing to do. They don’t consider marriage as a life-long commitment but rather something to get their careers going.
Great post.
Excellent post! I agree completely.
I totally agree with you. I don’t even look at divorce as an option. I’m married, it’s forever. If my job keeps me from my husband or my kids (which I don’t have yet), I’ll quit. Great post!!
I wasn’t married. Common-law, but it was pretty much married. 10 years. I worked and loved my hardest, but sometimes “shit” happens that you can’t control. My ex made the decision that drugs, drinking and buddy-kinship was more important than his family. So sometimes ending a relationship, a “marriage”, can be the best decision for your family.
But I get where your post is coming from
I agree too that many couples don’t take the vows of marriage seriously, and get married just because they think it’s expected of them, and it’s their “next step”.
@Adelaide – Don’t get me wrong! I know from experience that there are certainly circumstances in which ending the partnership is better than remaining. My point was just the whole “career choices” issue. It seems some people are too quick to give up, rather than work on things. Like Joel mentioned, it seems a lot of people go into marriage with the though that “If it doesn’t work out, I can always get divorced.” If it’s already a thought or idea, it probably will happen.
No, I agree about how lame the excuse that “careers kept them apart” is.
” Like Joel mentioned, it seems a lot of people go into marriage with the though that “If it doesn’t work out, I can always get divorced.”
IMO…
Who are these people everyone seems to quote? I don’t know one person who didn’t have good intentions when they got married. Short of the odd gold-digger,etc. Maybe in Hollywood, but not in real life. Anyone who thinks divorce is an easy way out, hasn’t been through one. Youth and inexperience can mean the ability to make judgements about life. Things happen you don’t anticipate. One can get pushed to the brink. Life is messy.
Trust me, staying together is easier and a hell of a lot cheaper. And, don’t kid youself, kids pick up on two people who basically only have apathy toward each other 20 years later as well. A successful marriage isn’t defined by years, but by attitude toward each other. I know many couples now who are kidding themselves.
If women had decent incomes and the ability for independance in the 1950’s divorce would have been rampant then, too.
@entropy71 I stated the following in my post: “Adults would have to be completely daft to assume that kids aren’t intuitive enough to pick up on what’s really going on.” I know because I was one of those kids when the shit hit the fan in our family. I also said that I’m not – nor have I ever been – married, so my viewpoint doesn’t come from the particular experience of having been. However, staying together wasn’t easier or cheaper for my mother and as a child, I fully supported the decision she made. It was what was best for our entire family.
But the truth is that gold diggers do exist and there are people who jump into marriage without knowing what they’re really getting into. There are two sides to every coin.
just an opinion
ending a marriage is difficult no matter how you look at it; add the family court system and lawyers into the equation and it is a downright travesty – financially and otherwise
Being a part of a bride forum for the last 6 months, I’ve come across ALOT of people who think if it doesn’t work out they can always get divorced. But they also think that living common-law before marriage (to test the waters before you take the big plunge) is the right thing to do, too. Just in case there is something about that person that you don’t like, it’s easier to get out…which I don’t think is true at all.
I agree that you should not go in to marriage with the thought that if it doesn’t work you can get a divorce. Because I know what it is like to divorce. It’s a very painful thing to go through. I went into it with thinking that this was going to be forever, but my ex-husband after 12 years had other plans.
This probably sounds a bit mean but I look at celebrities picking up kid after kid and it always leaves a bad taste in my mouth because it’s like they are picking them up as accessories. They “love” their kids so, so much, but you know, not enough to actually take care of them. These guys could quit their jobs (or at least put them on hold for a few years) and be home with their kids 24/7 if they wanted. Most people (including myself) would kill for that opportunity if it was fiscally possible. In my opinion, just having a kid doesn’t make you a parent; they make you a parent when you raise them.