THE GIRL DATE
Any woman who has lived in downtown Vancouver for any significant period of time knows how hard it can be to meet other like-minded women in this city. I am in the midst of my fifth year here and have only just recently began to expand my circle of girlfriends in the last year or two, and even so it has been in a rather traditional fashion. The four women I spend the majority of my time with are women I met either through blogging or though mutual friends.
But what about unconventional means? What about the girl date? And further, do girls date?
Case in point: each morning I get my four-shot Americano from the same Starbucks location. If anything, it’s a brief respite from the beginning of another (torturous) day at the office. The staff there are always fantastic and know me by name, drink and the occasional ginger molasses cookie. There is one girl there in particular, however, that I tend to spend much time in conversation with.
We chat about men, about hair, about weekend plans and anything else random that comes up. The reality is that we seem like very similar girls in a lot of ways and for whatever reason, I get the sense that she’s one of the rare few I could get along with.
Finding girlfriends is hard enough, so letting a potential one slip by could be considered wasteful. Dilemma: I want to go on a girl date with her and dip my toes in the waters of friendship, but is that beyond the boundaries of even the unconventional? Do men randomly ask each other to shoot hoops or “grab a beer sometime” without crossing into comfort zones?
Your thoughts, please.
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Ask her. The worst scenario is she’ll say no, and even with that there is no harm done. I doubt she will though, It sounds like she is going beyond her duty of being customer polite and enjoying real conversation with you. Trust your instinct, if it wants to go for it, then don’t second guess it. What do you have to lose, really?
And on a side note, I recall us meeting up for a coffee ‘date’, and look how that turned out. Wink wink
seems like you already have a pretty good rapport going on with starbucks girl. if you’re talking about weekend plans, that tends to naturally make it easier to slip in a “hey, you interested in [insert activity here] over the weekend?”
now, speaking for the guys, i don’t think that would work as well for us. first off, i don’t think guys are as open to chatting up another guy stranger about the male equivalent for “men, hair and weekend plans.” as for randomly asking each other to shoot hoops or “grab a beer sometime”, most of us don’t do that either. we can ask to join in whilst the activity is happening (joining a game of pick-up basketball, an empty seat at a table in a packed bar to have a beer and watch the game), but not randomly. i may be making up a new general guideline, but unless a guy has, at least, another guy’s e.mail address or phone number, then we don’t go do extracurricular activities.
guys need a tree first before they can branch out.
What P said. The most I’ve done with my co-workers is going out for beers after work. However it depends on your co-workers age and likes… a friend of mine works in a small office where 99% of his co-workers are into outdoor activities. They had a company ski trip together and he even climbed one of the routes up in Chief with his boss and couple co-workers.
The worst has to be letting potentially wicked new women friends slip by because of outside negative influences.
If you feel so strongly about the connection, ask her to join you in some casual activity and see what she says. Good luck.
If you’re already used to having casual conversations with her, then maybe just bring up this subject. “Don’t you find it hard to meet new girlfriends in this city…” and if she agrees then you have your opening. She’ll already be on the same page as you so there will be no weirdness.
I say go for it.
Cool girlfriends are hard to come by.
By the sounds of it, conversation comes easy. She may be thinking the same thing and is too shy to confront you about it. I know that sometimes I myself am too shy so its quite possible.
I’m confident it will all turn out well.
Good luck
My first thought was a little girl on girl action
But I’m over that now, everyone else is giving you the positive so I’ll go the other way.What if things don’t work out for whatever reason will this be the equivilent of a break up? Could this lead to awkward moments in starbucks?Will you have to find a new Starbucks?
Blah, blah, blah just ask her to go for a drink (not coffee) I was in a similar situation with 2 of my friends when they worked at their parents variety store, it started out talking about cars and 6 years later I’m helping one of them move this weekend. Hmm helping someone move on the last long weekend of the summer , and I thought I was ending on a positive!
Oh man, i know your situation.
I think the best way to do it is the: ‘what are you up to this weeekend?” if she says not much say, ‘Me and some friends are _____, It’s gonna be fun, you should come out if you have the day off.’
But then I guess you should have something actually planned? lol.
I think it’s pretty non-awkward — regardless of if she says yes or no.
3 starbucks locations near me all know my orders every time. i have a problem.
I say ask….why haven’t you already is beyond my comprehension. ALTHOUGH, I can relate about finding girl friends, it IS difficult!!! I wish there were more like-minded girls for me here….but alas the only way they are like me is in all the negative ways I’m trying to change anyways…..sigh
That’s a totally appropriate and awesome question, Keira.
I do that all the time (asking people out on coffee dates for friendship), and it’s even more complicated if you think about it because I’m gay and most (if not 99%) of my male friends are straight.
I find that, unless the guy I’m going out with is totally homophobic (in which case I don’t really want to go out with him anyways), ALL of them are totally cool with going out for a beer or coffee or shoot some pool or just simply hang out. Dinner is a bit more complicated.
I don’t think (I sure hope!) any guy I’ve ever had lunch with or had a beer with thinks that I’m coming on to him. If they do, I quickly set things straight (pun totally intended). I’ve got enough suitors in my world to try and sway anybody the other way, thank you very much.
Up until I started seriously blogging, I had a serious dearth of straight male friends and that sucked. Well, with the exception of my best friend HZ who lives in Vancouver too. Right now I have MANY straight, single male friends (thanks are due to blogging) and therefore never feel at a loss for having straight male company whenever I want to go out and get a beer.
So, my point is – yeah, I’d ask her and say “hey want to go out for coffee sometime?” People in this city ought to be open minded and smart. If they are not, then it’s their loss.
UPDATE to my comment – Reading P’s comment, yeah it’s probably a good point. I’d have NO problem joining a guy who is currently shooting hoops or grabbing a beer at a bar and I doubt he’d have any problems either.
ALTHOUGH… I have asked male friends to come join a party and that’s also an opening for friendship!
Bottom line – Go for it.
do it! pitt invited fil to a leaf game way back when and i met up with them afterward, the rest is history. give her your blog url or something then start emailing etc etc