THIS IS FOR YOU, O MY READERS
It was a sunny afternoon, this past Saturday, as Amy and I pulled open the door at Book Warehouse. My only mission was to find one particular book. Being that she’d already read it, Amy was quick to point out the humour she found in the title of a particular section in the first chapter:
“Here, look…‘Our Inherited Dysfunction.’ I showed that to my mom and she laughed.”
I suppose it’s something we can all laugh at, being that each and every single one of us not only comes from a dysfunctional family or background, but also because we all possess sociological malfunctions in ways that are unique to the individual. My personal dysfunction, something I touched down on last year in a number of posts, wasn’t something I become aware of until only recently, despite the fact it had been simmering on the back burner for close to a decade.
Much of what troubles me manifests itself in such a way that my security can easily crumble. Questioning my self-worth while allowing my mind to be invaded by doubt comes faster than I often have the chance to put my guard up. And once again, as it has a tendency to do, my dysfunction reared its dreadful head on Sunday afternoon. As of late, yours truly and her blog have been the target of online mud-slinging 5 different times in as many months. Some have chosen to e-mail me their disdain directly, while others have chosen subversive attempts on blogs that aren’t quite as secretive as the authors may think.
And while words can initially sting, the actualities behind the language are far more comprehensive.
“Words, no matter whether they are vocalized and made into sounds or remain unspoken as thoughts, can cast an almost hypnotic spell on you. You easily lose yourself in them, become hypnotized into implicitly believing that when you have attached a word to something, you know what it is. The fact is: You don’t know what it is. You have only covered up the mystery with a label. Everything, a bird, a tree, even a simple stone, and certainly a human being, is ultimately unknowable. This is because it has unfathomable depth. All we can perceive, experience, think about, is the surface layer of reality, less than the tip of an iceberg.”
– Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth (2006 Plume Publishing)
What I find most astonishing in any of my communications (or, rather, mis-communications) with my readers and other bloggers alike is how often the tongue-in-cheek manner which peppers my writing is missed altogether. And further, it is rather perplexing to me how many of my readers that I don’t know in any regard can purport to know me enough to make solid statements about the person they believe I am based solely on the content found at a web address. However, if you believe and understand what Tolle says about words and their impact, it is uncomplicated and easy to see how it unfolds. Because the words used against me, ultimately, are as meaningless as the words I use on this blog (and even in this post), and it is rather clear that you and I are no better than each other or anyone else.
Photo: sporkist on Flickr
If, as Tolle states, we are easily lost in and hypnotized by someone’s words, we must ask ourselves why that is so. It is much the same with anything in this earthly world in which we can become entangled. When our focus is not grounded in what we know to be fact and truth that is based on tangible experience, we will undoubtedly allow ourselves to become carried away based on our emotional side. Most often, the emotional side will dictate based upon our insecurities.
Much of the aforementioned mudslingers chose to attack my physical appearance, the tongue-in-cheek posts I tend to write and what they perceive my personality to be based on, merely, words. Our emotional sides remind each of us of robbed happiness, lack of self-confidence or any number of things that any number of us experience at one time or another. And, unfortunately, it seems those things tend to spill out in a sometimes spiteful manner.
On this blog, I write about my family because they’re my everything and are the one thing that truly matters at the end of the day. I chronicle adventures with my friends because each of those friendships is a give-and-take situation that provides nutrition for the soul in one way or another. I compose entire blog posts based on a pair of jeans, a bikini or a new nail polish colour because new jeans, bikinis and painted toenails are fun (and besides, what girl doesn’t like buying pretty new things?). I share the mundane aspects of my life and add a twist because, for whatever reason, there are those that have an itch to know.
I write because I love language and connect with the joy in the expression of it.
Rest assured that I won’t be letting “the haters” get me down. Instead, I thank them sincerely for the drive they provide.
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22 Comments
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As I’ve said to you before, you are a woman wise beyond her years. Your writing over the past year has really encompassed the growth and experience you have encountered. I started blogging because I was inspired by the way you write and express yourself. Your musings really connected with me, and for that I thank you.
And please, don’t ever stop writing. You have some talent, my friend.
Phaedra’s right about that talennt. Keep writing to express yourself, babe- you have such an amazing gift.
I’m so proud of you for not letting the mudslingers get you down. We’re all human and I know it gets tiresome. But I have such admiration for your ability to rise above the bullshit. Like I told you, I’m not sure if I could do so with such grace. Keep being the rad girl that you are and keep those awesome blog posts coming…
xo
oh great…a typo in my comment : talennt= talent
wow!
What else can i say??? you’ve said it all the way it has to be said in this post. Many of us really appreciate your blog, some posts are more interesting than others but you always have something for every taste (even those that don’t like it, are also reading it), as i said before you are a talented writer. Thanks to your charismatic lines many of us have followed your example and have started blogging, instead of hurting anyone you are helping them express themselves.
Showing to the world who we really are requires lot of courage and a very high self-esteem, you are who you are and NOBODY can ever change that.
EQ
I can’t understand why anyone would take the time to be mean-spirited. It’s awful. It’s one of the things about blogging. You’re brave for “puttin it out there”. But then there’s a lot of flippin sub-humans out there – they’re only hope is to strangle themselves on their jealousy.
Miss Mellis, you seem like a pretty, sensitive, strong, independent and intelligent gal, with a great gang of folks who clearly adore you – plus you love puppies – who couldn’t like ya? Keep blogging hon. It’s good for the soul!
A few points that anger me:
- If you don’t like something, then don’t spend your time on it. If a blog doesn’t interest you, then why are you reading it? And spending enough time on it to comment.
- Why slam someone for their personal blog on your own personal blog? That’s pretty hypocritical.
- If you don’t personally know the person you are saying negative things about, then who are you to criticize? And if you do know the person, then what kind of friend are you?
Atta Girl. That’s the way to do it. It is about you, not them. NEVER them. They pick the easy targets because they have nothing else to fire at. Shine your shine and make sure they see how truly dull they are in your light. Your life is yours. Take it. Own it. Rule it.
(I’m going to use “you” below but not necessarily in reference to you, Keira :-p this is for demo purposes
)
+1 on what Amy said — I don’t get people who say one minute “it’s my blog I can say what I want” meanwhile they sit there and complain about people who are saying what THEY want on THEIR own blog. I can’t imagine who would want to sit there and put effort into spitting foul and putrid fabrications and lies about other human beings on the internet for the world to see. Unless your goal is to be the next Perez Hilton, I don’t think it’s a very nice legacy you’re leaving on the internet for your readers (and Google).
At what point do their rights end and yours begin? Where do they meet? Sure you have a right to speak your mind but I have every right to a) be upset b) not read you ever again c) reject your comments d) press charges (if it comes to that).
Cyberbullies are everywhere.
I think people need to spend more time valuing “in real life” relationships – even if they’re born on the blog, that doesn’t mean they have to stay there. If they are grown and nourished offline, let them be there too, eh. But if all you know about someone is their “online persona” you’re pretty much just as shallow as you may perceive them to be through the computer screen.
I think my note was that much more effective with the double ”
” at the beginning too, DOH!
+1 on what everybody has already said, so no need for me to repeat it here. You have established yourself as a great writer, your blog is awesome and you’re a fantastic and sweet person. Who cares about the world? Let the world care for you, I say
Yay, you got the book! I look forward to reading more of your thoughts on it. You seem to be a beautiful person, both inside and out and for what ever sad reason, people want to tear you down because of it. Upwards and onwards I say, much more important and beautiful things to focus on.
if we learn anything as women, hopefully we truly, eventually stop chasing those who don’t give back, stop chasing the critisisms
ironically, those who really deserve to be chased never ask you to, they hold out their hands and accept you for who you are
love won’t look like you thought it would in 10 years, 20 years or even maybe 6 months
i promise age will bring peace if you never loose hope but retain realism
Right on sister…you write beauitfully and I hope to soon grasp the balance you portray.
[...] and on that note, my good friend Keira-Anne has been the target of several online attacks lately so she shares some thoughts. Sure, she’s a big girl and can take care of herself but I know (trust me, I know) that it [...]
Yes you do write beautifully my dear, and your blog is just full of inspiration and fun girly-ness. I was just visiting my old blog today and looking at my gazillion links to other blogs that were once being used! I finally updated mine and hope to make it more professional and fun for my photo adventures! It blows me away how far your blog has come!
Love love!
You wrote:
> I write because I love language and connect with the joy in the expression of it.
I read recommended blogs, because of the trust and faith from whom the person makes the recommendation and because of the faith and effort the person puts into their blog.
I thoroughly enjoy reading different kinds of written language, because I’m now able, if remotely, to connect better with the sense of joyous expression provided by the people living in the area from which I was born and raised.
- HL, 7 May 2008, 1722h Chilean Standard Time.
maybe these losers should just do some jumping jacks & focus on their fugly selves in lieu of attacking someone who has their own thing goin’ on, no? KEIRA I WANT YOUR BATHING SUIT AND SLAMMIN BOD I MEAN YOU ARE A STUPID BITCH SLUT!
“One bad apple don’t spoil the whole bunch, Girl!” ~ The Jackson 5
Your blog is intelligent, entertaining, AND thoughtful. Your friendly and light-hearted personality comes across and is probably the main reason I return to read your posts. Don’t let the minority of meanspirited individuals out there get you down – the majority seems to think you’re pretty great!
If you let it, it can sting. Like you would with a putrid fish, rotting on the beach, walk away from it, don’t touch it or let it touch you. It is dead and you are very much alive. Your blog ranks high on my personal favourites. It feeds my soul and brings a smile to my life…never let morons bring you down to their pathetic lowly status….you soar girl! Delete, delete and move on.
I come here and read your blog, not because I know you from anywhere (I clearly don’t!), but because it’s an enjoyable read and it keeps me in touch with life back home. More power to ya, is what I’d say!
what Raymi said, minus the sarcastic second part lest it be misconstrued (she loves you). some hated Einstein for being brilliant, and naturally people are going to hate you because you’re beautiful, intensely beautiful, and complex, thoughtful, intelligent.
the Tolle quote is spot-on (one of my favorite modern philosophers — much more accessible than Ken Wilbur, who I also like). i tend to be snarky and sarcastic, both in my online persona and occasionally in real life, but i’m going to make an effort to transcend it.
your blog is great. it’s you, and you’re fucking awesome.
I’m sure keira and friends have stopped looking at this post long ago.
But I’m sure the loser in question still checks in from time to time, since this is his claim to fame as sad as that may be.
To him I would say, your motivation is easy to see others on here were just to kind to say it. http://images.google.ca/imgres?imgurl=http://www.drunkmotherfucker.com/funny/Tiny%2520dick.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.techsans.net/forums/index.php%3Fshowtopic%3D5053&h=339&w=450&sz=40&hl=en&start=8&tbnid=Uq7nSumDUNYNsM:&tbnh=96&tbnw=127&prev=/images%3Fq%3D%2522smallest%2Bpenis%2522%26gbv%3D2%26hl%3Den%26safe%3Doff%26sa%3DG