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Each weekday morning, making my way to Starbucks for a grande Americano is part of my routine. I always go to the same location because they know me by name, face and drink. A few years back, Starbucks launched “The Way I See It;” quotes from people famous (and not) are printed on the side of each and every cup. What’s most intriguing is that nine times out of 10, I get the same cup. It almost never fails. This has gone on for months now. I think Starbucks is trying to tell me something.

Photo: powerbooktrance on Flickr

“In a world where celebrity equals talent, and where make-believe is called reality, it is most important to have real love, truth and stability in your life.” – Bernie Brillstein, Film and Television Producer

There it is in black and white. The latter part of what Mr. Brillstein shared is, in my opinion, the meat of what he said. When taking a moment to consider what truly matters in these short lives we live, the conclusions we reach include the things we can’t touch or breathe in, taste or smell. And though we can’t see love, truth or stability, when they’re present, they’re felt stronger than any physical sensation.

Real Love

I am not sure there is a word in which the meaning is watered-down, often blasé and altogether convoluted as love. We “love” our spouses and we “love” our morning coffees. We “love” our family and friends and we “love” the new stilettos sitting in the closet. Too often, love is now an expression of currently-felt emotion rather than a constant in one’s life.

Real love is not an emotion or a way in which we feel about someone or something. Real love should, ideally, be a rock-solid principle on which we base our lives. Real love should be endless, relentless, unchanging and perpetual. Real love should not be based on feeling happy or feeling sad. Real love is a choice, often a hard one to make. Real love sometimes means being the bigger person; sometimes it means eating a tremendous slice of humble pie.

Truth

As my age inches closer and closer to 30 (which, true, I know is still considered “young”), I am reminded by the landmark ages to follow: 40, 50, 60 and beyond. What I am most grateful for is the experience that comes with age. The adage that “the older you get, the wiser you are” can ring true if you allow it to. One thing that I have learned for certain is that there are few people in life whom you can whole-heartedly trust. To trust is to place your faith, confidence and reliance in someone.

And while no matter who you trust, no one can guarantee that they won’t let you down at one point or another. It is intention and integrity that matter most in this regard. In all actuality, aside from my mom, aunt and brother (who mean more to me than they can fathom), the number of people in my life that I trust beyond a shadow of a doubt is minute. However, having even only one person in your life that you can trust makes you very fortunate indeed.

Stability

Stability and consistency are two separate concepts. Most people prefer an existence filled with spontaneity and surprises, void of routine. Then there are those, like myself, who prefer consistency and routine. Everyone, however, needs stability.

Life is full of surprises, both positive and negative. Much of what we experience is beyond our control and sometimes even defies our understanding. Events and circumstances arise that can cause both joy and pain in the same breath. It’s the stability of love and support that gives us the strength we ultimately require to handle the curveballs our days throw.

No man or woman is infallible. Not one of us is entirely independent and autonomously strong. And really, why would anyone desire to experience life without those rare souls in our lives – our rocks – to share it with?

Final Thoughts

Sometimes I struggle in that friendships of the past which were once flourishing in their circumstances are no longer in the same place; however, I don’t struggle in the way you might imagine. The ability to reconcile the reality of fact is a gift. Life changes, situations evolve, people move, friends get married. As we move through our days, we meet new friends and lose touch with old ones. The love I have for friends in which I was hugely invested in years ago hasn’t changed in the slightest. Though time spent with them is now incredibly minimal, the ways in which I love and cherish them is not. Unfortunately, some people have a much harder time letting go of what once was and living in today. Truth be told, this causes me a certain level of guilt when it really shouldn’t. It’s what happens in the ebbs and flows of life.

I am blessed in more ways than I tend to realize. Ten years ago, my circle was vast. Today, my circle is small and within my immediate space. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

I have three incredible family members. I have a dog whose loving gaze and licky tongue chases away the blues. I have a best friend who accepts me for who I am: the good, the bad and the hideously ugly skeletons. I have a handful of girlfriends who kick my ass when I need it and lend me their ears and shoulders when I need them. These people show me integrity, strength, love, humility and honesty. These are crucial when you live in a city fueled by narcissism, materialism, parties, designer labels and a dog-eat-dog mentality.

Real love, truth and stability. What more does anyone really need?