1998 WAS 10 YEARS AGO
A few days ago, a girlfriend e-mailed me and asked why I only committed to a “maybe” on the Facebook event page for my 10-year high school reunion this July. I couldn’t really give her an answer, but for one reason or another, I haven’t yet been fully inclined to say yes.
She responded: “out of all the people, I figured you would want to go and show all those girls who are fat and have popped out a couple kids how beautiful you are! And the guys who used to be assholes as well!”
What the eff is up with my Le Chateau pants, circa 1996?
Perhaps my girlfriend has a point because, as I can freely admit, I was considered neither attractive nor popular in high school. And isn’t showing people up at your high school reunion something to look forward to? However, as I’ve gotten older and am less than a handful of birthdays away from 30, one thing considering friendships has become abundantly clear to me. When you are younger, your friendships are most often based and formed through circumstance; as you get older, you have the luxury of choosing your friends based on shared values and experiences. The friends from high school that I do still keep in touch with are few but precious, and I think the fact that we’ve managed to reconnect says so much.
Truth be told, a lot of the people I went to high school with still get excited to get drunk and high on weekends, party like it’s 1998 and, in the end, have nothing in common with the woman that I am today. That being said, I find myself asking myself why I would even want to go to my high school reunion. I know who I am and have nothing to prove to people that are no longer a significant part of my life.
My question to you all is this: did you attend your high school reunion and do you think it’s ultimately worth it?
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20 Comments
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I did go to my high school reunion, and I showed up in a very similar fashion to what you describe above (the man who I am today is nowhere near the man who I used to be). And it was VERY gratifying.
And yes, you ARE beautiful and it’d be great just to show up and say “so… there!” … but as you said, you have nothing to prove. I just found it gratifying to go to mine. Lots of guys who previously were somewhat unfriendly in high school now want to be my BFFs and lots of girls who I barely spoke to now provide lots of interesting tidbits about my high school peers. So, for me, it was useful
Mine reunion won’t be for another 3 years. Quite frankly I haven’t kept in touch with that many people from high school. Some I only know what they’re doing b/c of facebook. If I’m still in Vancouver in 2011 I’ll probably go just to see what everyone’s up to. A lot could happen between now and then though.
I went to mine as well, and it was totally worth it. More so, as I wanted to see what happened to everyone I went to school with for so many years(being from a small town yourself, I assume you went from elementary to high school with some of these folks like I did.) I was more interested in what happened to these people, then showing them how I turned out. Though seeing the bitchy beauty queen with a big donut middle after popping out 5 kids did bring a smile to my face.
I say go.
My 20 year (yikes) is next year. I’m going.
Mine’s not for another 4 years, but I was thinking about it last night and wondered, really, what’s the point of going back to talk to people I haven’t talked to for six years anyway and probably won’t in the next four, and who really cares who did or didn’t get married or has kids or whatever. At this point, it just seems that reunions are pretty useless. If someone can convince me otherwise in four years, then maybe I’ll go see the fat girls and high school quarterbacks who can’t let go of their grad rings.
I didn’t go to my 10 year high school reunion (it was a few years ago) for reasons not unlike what you are pondering now. Also because I don’t live particular close to where I grew up, and the fact that the reunion was poorly planned and executed made my decision for me quite easy. That being said, high school is what it is. A collection of teenagers battling their hormones and each other. You have obviously grown up, I’m sure some of them have as well. Going back to show someone up, even if its just in the back of your mind, is a bad way to approach any situation. You will in all likelihood have a good time if you go.
My 5 year was pretty recent (I think.. is November still recent?). Anyway, I didn’t go for a whole number of reasons: It was very poorly coordinated, invitations were sent out via a Facebook event and by word-of-mouth. It was held in the small upper room of a trashy local bar that I despise going to. And, most importantly, I had a Stephen Kellogg concert to go to in New York.
Do I regret going? Only because it was $20 for an open bar, top shelf, all night.
If at 10 years I’m still out in California, I don’t see any reason or need to make a flight back to Connecticut for a high school thing. College (aka “University”) would be a different story.
My 13 year reunion is coming this year (they didn’t do a wo and now with FB have pulled it together and decided to so a 13 year). I have decided I am not going.
The people that I have kept in touch with are people I have chose to and like you said the reconnections have been wonderful but those are also by choice. I just don’t think I want to spend my time and energy with people that I don’t really care to see or those boys that were jerks, really, I have no inclination, sounds a bit negative?, perhaps but if wanted to get together with them, I would.
Next year is my ten year and I’ve already been getting e-mails from former classmates asking me what’s happening…where it’s going to be…assuming that I’ll be organizing it. I guess I was kind of “that person” in highschool- friends with everybody, the big organizer, grad/student council member. Funny enough though, my interest in organizing the event is nonexistant. I have no desire to try and put it together. However, (as Phaedra said) I think I’d like to see what everybody else is up to (and I don’t mean the ones who I know still get wasted at the local bar every weekend). I’m proud of the woman I’ve become- and I’ve changed a lot- but I don’t feel like I need to prove anything to the people who I grew up with. I guess I’m more curious than anything- to see who has ended up where and who is doing what…I’m more interested in what kinds of careers and adventures people have been on than anything else. I’ll go. But I’m playing avoidance as far as having any part of planning it.
I was neither popular nor anything to look at in highschool and never went to my 10 year.. I still hadn’t grown up and gotten over people that slept with my bf (people who were my best friends), so I thought it was too soon. My 20 year is next year and I’m in such a better place now in my life and my mental well being… I thought to myself that it would be great to go and show that the insecurities I had about people that viewed me as ‘different’ have passed and that I don’t care if I’m different, and ’so there’ , but then realized, I would be one of those people I didn’t want to be. So, I won’t be going.
Whatever you decide to do, is nothing to judge you for… Sometimes we have reasons to go to things, and things to prove to ourselves and to others.. Sometimes we just go to go and not really know why but to just see everyone and do what alot of people do.. ‘go to just say ‘i went to my 10 year reunion’… whatever you decide, make sure it’s what your gut says!!!
I did not (my 25 year one passed not long ago…dating myself here). I had no desire to go and have never been good at (or interested in) “small talk” or keeping up with the Joneseseseses. Honestly, I just don’t care.
In high school I was very popular and some were mean/jealous because of that. I was outgoing and friendly (and very fit/blonde) and when you have decent looks and are nice, there are some who’ll try and cut you down because of it. You may know about that.
The expectations would be high - oh, how let down they’d be to know I’m on my own now and run a lowly lottery booth. A far cry from the girl who had the world eating from her palm.
I’m like you in that those who I’ve chosen to keep up I’ve done so for a reason - it’s genuine. I’m not good at these “forced” situations where we pretend we’re one big happy family, despite not even having said hello in years. I can’t fake it.
Most are just there to “examine” one another and I’m liable to tell some of them to go fuck themselves, so it’s probably not a great idea. Not that I have any reason to, just that I hate the whole “what are you doing now?” bs. “None of your business”? For the same reason I hate funerals, I think these things are for the wrong reasons and have lost sight of what they should be about. Reunions seem to be less about getting together with old friends and more about outdoing each other and competitive…at least that’s how I see it. And I just don’t buy into all that crap…I know who I am, that’s good enough I guess.
(I always hated the “groups” or cliques and one reason I was “popular” was that I sort of had friends in all of them and didn’t really go with the flow. But I get very anxious now and tend to feel like an outsider as I never really established myself as anything other than just “me”)
wow, in re-reading that, I sound pretty bitchy and negative.
I guess my point in that very long novel of a comment is that I find it strange (especially in the case of a 25 year reunion) to pretend that we care about each other’s lives when we haven’t taken the time or connected since. Chances are, if we haven’t crossed paths in 25 years, we weren’t really that close to begin with?
If someone asked me what I’m doing now, it’d probably take me 3 days to fill them in and, really, who cares but me and my true friends?
OH MAN no one is organizing our reunion - the student council is supposed to but damn, why don’t I just create a facebook group? not like i have anything else on my plate right now haha
Oh ya and I have boobs now, that’s fun.
i did not go to mine and no one i am still close to went. the ONLY people who went to mine were the exact people i envisioned would go as i have taken a look through the facebook photos, thankfully there was no facebook when mine took place. and if i had have gone people still wouldn’t have believed my eyelashes are real WITHOUT mascara even. of all the things to get picked on for.
Nope, didn’t go to mine. Did not even go to my high school graduation. I had such a horrible time at the one and only semi-formal I went to, I swore off all further high school “occasions”.
I have not gone to any of the high school reunions yet. This could be due to a few factors such as me not living in the same city, nevermind country, as my high school. I did not attend the 20th reunion in 2006 (deb, I’m right behind ya!). I’m not sure if I want to attend the 25th reunion when that comes up. To be honest, there’s really hardly anyone that I keep in touch with since I graduated. There’s only 4 people from high school that I have as Facebook friends. Once in a while I might send them a message.
If it makes any difference, I went to a high school full of over-achievers. My graduating class sent about 25 students to Harvard and maybe another dozen or so to other Ivy League schools. Needless to say there are some folks who ended up becoming lawyers or some where high up the corporate food chain. I know not everyone in the graduating class ended up that way.
Anyway, I have my doubts about attending the 25th reunion.
I went to mine. It was more of a “what the hey” decision than anything else. And you know what? I had a LOT more fun than I expected I would.
I attended 10 and 20. There was no 30 because the couple who organized 10 and 20 split up. They were both a lot of fun for me because it was good to see that people still remember me. It’s the only time I have seen any of them since we graduated in 1976
Hey becks, most schools have a “grad rep” that is supposed to take care of that (although most were voted back in grade 12, so they’ve probably forgotten by now).
I went to mine. It was weird because I hang out with most of the people who I hung out with back then. So we all showed up together and it was like “hey, did you catch the game last night.” That being said, it’s pretty much like they said — all the people who were popular and dicks back in high school didn’t make much out of themselves. I briefly debated being spiteful to all the idiots from back then, but it just seemed like too much work.
Good news is that everyone had fun. Expect lots of family talk. Pretty much everyone who had kids couldn’t wait to tell everyone about it.
Keira go if you want, i dont know if its worth so much thought, or if its worth me having any say. haha, i just found your site, very interesting. you better watch out for stalkers.
p.s. i think you should go