IT’S OKAY TO BE A GIRL
“Hair that twirls on finger tips so gently, baby; Hands that rest on jutting hips repenting.”
- Madonna
(Gratuitous hot shot)
Photo: duanestorey on Flickr
Not too long ago, I wrote about all the things I love about being a girl and all the things that I believe make me, in particular, “girlie.” To re-cap them would be redundant, but it’s a subject I’d like to expand on while branching out into a tangent of all things womanly. There is a small part of me that some would conclude to be “sexist.”
Quelle horreur!
Hear me out with this one…what some might view as “sexist” or “chauvenistic,” I view as fulfulling my role(s) – and right(s) – as a woman. While I am in complete agreement with the idea that women should have equal rights as men in terms of careers, education, voting rights and the like, I think that it’s important to recognize the ways in which men and woman are different. And further, I believe there’s great value in respecting those differences.
It has long been a lament of countless women around the world that men are always completely “thoughtless” in constantly leaving toilet seats up. While, like any woman, I find sitting in the bowl when it’s 2:00 a.m. and I’m in a sleepy stupor to be rather disgusting, I also think it’s completely unfair for us to expect men to put the seat down for us after they pee. After all, do they expect us to lift the seat up for them when we’re done our business? Certainly not. Double standard.
Photo: harholruf113 on Flickr
What about areas of the home other than the bathroom? Just as I wouldn’t want a man to frost my cupcakes or separate my darks from lights, I can’t imagine he’d want me to change the oil filter in his car or clean the gutters on the house. I’m not saying a man can’t play “Betty Crocker,” nor am I saying that chicas can’t bust out their inner “Mike Holmes,” but why would we want to all the time? Though men and women are fully more than capable – and have the right – to take on a variety of roles in life, all sexes aside, men and women are men and women for very good reasons.
Think about it…40 years ago, it was easier to keep the peace between dudes and chicks. Women kept the house clean, made sure a hot dinner was on the table every night, ensured that the kids were taken to school and that they did their homework, all the while looking fabulous in heels and pearl necklaces (pun perhaps intended). At the time time, men had the responsiblity of going to work, earning the family’s keep, making ultimate household decisions and was the all-around protector and provider for his family.
The men made the bacon and the women fried it up. It was a team effort. I feel it’s no longer that way.
Photo: sublime cowgirl – tanja stark on Flickr
I could go out on a politically correct limb here and say that “I don’t care who makes the bacon and who fries it, as long as someone’s doing each job,” but that would be a lie. I do care. Perhaps it’s naive of me, but I have never fully understood why so many handfuls of women are dead-set on defying the traditional roles of women – roles that are still very prevalent in cultures and communities around the world. What’s so wrong with taking care of the household or doing the laundry? Are tasks such as these simply menial? If that’s true, then is earning the family’s primary income something that puts the man in absolute power above the woman? I think the answer to both of these questions is “no.”
The bottom line, and what it all comes down to, is respect. Respect for the roles, responsibilities and obligations of men and women, respectively. No task is more important than another, nor is it any less. I’d like to think that, were these roles held in the esteem they deserve, we’d all be living in a North American society that is both more functional and fluid.
Let the backlash begin…
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I like your perspective, it made me think and question my thoughts around this issue. Even though I am not a traditionalist when it comes to the institute of marriage, I’ve lived with partners before, and I always quite enjoyed doing the ‘womanly’ duties. I think this was largely because I wanted to, not because it was expected of me. If it was expected, I would offer up resistance, and then the arguing would begin. But since I have lived on my own for many years now, I have assumed both roles, which works well for me.
Grocery shopping is one of my favourite activities!
Are you not coming to NV?!
i think that historically, if you look at the feminist movement, the pendulum had to swing to the degree you are noting here as the “other side” for any major changes to take place
the effects of these moments take time and become more subtle and understood the longer they are truly embedded in the social structure
it is when they exit the sphere of debtate and enter the sphere of assumed, that true choice abounds; generations must pass, and they are
without it, we wouldn’t have had small things like being able to drive and the vote
no backlash, just and understanding that choices are something we are accustom to in our NA culture
women in other cultures are warp speed behind us this way, choice is not something on the menu
as per men and women being different, it is what attracts us to each other
I have to say this, but the penchant of men to be into their hair, clothes and the whole metro thing gives me the willies, when i go to a mall now and see men tagging along with women just as into shopping as they are, i feel my netherregions slowly shrivel
for god sakes, man, get some balls!
sorry, i used to be able to spell, but then i became a writer
As long as I as a woman have the exact same rights as a man and visa versa…I then have the freedom to live my one and only life as I choose. I happen to like some of the traditional roles in both men and women.
I think Entropy has a good point here, some people had to kick against the traditional roles real hard to show they are not as straightforward as they are. I think a lot of respect for the “female” (sometimes I like to be politically correct) roles had disappeared before those days.
If as you say there is no value difference between male and female tasks (which I agree with), then there is nothing in them that forces a certain gender to carry them out. It is purely a cultural and historic thing then. I suppose a team effort is best accomplished with the best player in the best position, no matter who it is.
I totally concur that it’s a team effort. I happen to be single, and like Phaedra, I’ve had to assume both roles (and I cook a really tasty curry chicken with basmati rice btw). Anyhow, I digress…
In my undergraduate chemical engineering class, the best grades were always obtained by the five females in my peer group and myself (which in a way made me an outsider but whatever). Chemical engineering used to be a male-dominated profession. It’s not anymore. Women have demonstrated that they are capable of doing anything they set out to do.
But if you talk to some of my female friends, who are highly academically accomplished and successful professionals, and you ask them “so what do you want to do in a few years”, they all answer the same way “I want to get married, have children, take care of my house, do the laundry, etc.”.
I mean, whether it has been engraved in their brains through years of cultural indoctrination about the traditional roles of men and women or whether it is their actually inner desire, I’ll never know. But that’s what they manifest. They like that role and I applaud them for that.
As for me, I’m glad my mother broke all stereotypes since I was a child. My Dad hated the fact that we (my brothers and I) did chores, but my Mom was smart enough to teach us how to clean a house, how to make breakfast and dinner, and I’m forever grateful to her for that. My mom loved her traditional role as a house mom, and she has a PhD in political science (and still teaches and does research).
Just my 2 cents.
[...] of traditionalism is nothing new on my blog, and I very recently wrote a piece on my views of the differences between men and women. And while I can appreciate each person’s desire for individuality and the right to choose, I [...]
“I could go out on a politically correct limb here and say that “I don’t care who makes the bacon and who fries it, as long as someone’s doing each job,” but that would be a lie. I do care. Perhaps it’s naive of me, but I have never fully understood why so many handfuls of women are dead-set on defying the traditional roles of women – roles that are still very prevalent in cultures and communities around the world. What’s so wrong with taking care of the household or doing the laundry? Are tasks such as these simply menial? If that’s true, then is earning the family’s primary income something that puts the man in absolute power above the woman? I think the answer to both of these questions is “no.”
I am not a traditionalist in any regard. I choose to ignore any ‘traditional’ roles and do what feels right for me. Taking care of the household and doing laundry are not personally fulfilling tasks for me that I would simply do because this role has been assigned by who knows who upon me. Also, I would never want to be dependent on another person’s income. I’m sure that in some cases, a balance of power can be struck. However, I have seen many relationships where a power struggle has been created and a man has in fact been put above a woman simply because he is bringing in the primary household income. However, for another woman, this might be the complete opposite, and never would I judge or believe that she is missing out on something simply because she is not living as I am.
Your new post about divorce is interesting because defying the traditional roles set upon women has allowed women to get divorced and no longer feel such a level of dependence on their husbands. I know my grandmother would have left her husband if she had these possibilities. The “blood covenant they were making before God” and past stigmas about divorce did nothing to help women or men who were trapped in a possibly unhappy, miserable and even abusive marriage.
Not all women wish to raise a family, cook or clean, and not all women wish to completely erase their traditional values as I’m sure you know. It shouldn’t boil down to roles of the women and men, but instead to the roles of the individual. Putting everyone into two categories doesn’t work when instead there are so many different people who want so many different things for themselves.
As well, women who are dead-set on changing the traditional roles for women have helped eliminate gender biases that have been put upon women by men and are important and crucial to a “fluid” and “functional” society as well. Just by looking at how much feminist psychology changed attitudes conferred upon women by men is quite enough to see why women were and are important parts in the struggle to eliminate sexism in this field and attempt to redefine principles that completely ignored a female perspective. These women are not trying to change what you believe but are doing so for women who want something different and who do not wish to be limited to simply one set in stone role.