Sunday, May 20, 2007
The Dialogue Begins…
This afternoon, I spent much time sitting on a weathered log. From the log, I overlooked the Georgia Straight, reaching as far as Hornby Island and beyond. The Goose Spit has long been a place that I have loved, ever since I was a young girl. I have countless memories of that beach, some with family and some with friends. It’s no Waikiki or Long Beach, but there’s certainly something beautiful about it all.
I watched as a few small children with their parents walked back and forth. I watched as dogs, both large and small, sniffed and explored their way up the shore. What stood out most to me was the sound and the smell. I wish I could always remember the way the waves sounded and the salty air smelled. It was the perfect place that I needed to be today. I’ve become far too overwhelmed with my life and my pace in the city, and considering what I’ve been going through lately, an escape is what I needed.
I am close to half-way through reading The Journey From Abandonment to Healing and the progress has been slow but revealing. The hour I spent reading on the beach today gave me a practical tool for making the connection in my head that I am responsible for my own happiness and for loving myself. The connection between this concept and the hurts that I am experiencing from my abandonment is made by visualizing my “inner child,” the one that has been damaged and by also visualizing my adult self, the one that is currently struggling to piece together her life and make sense out of it all.
By making this visualization, the exercise encourages me to then engage in a written dialogue between my inner child and my adult self with me being the mediator. It’s really difficult to explain beyond those terms because this dialogue looks differently to anyone that does it. It’s not scripted and it’s amazing how my pen simply flowed across the paper and all these base feelings I have about my abandonment came spilling out - things that were completely unbeknownst to me.
It’s so very apparent that I have a long journey ahead of me, but these small steps are incredibly helpful. So I’ll leave it at this and keep you updated on my progress.