Day Four
Today is the fourth day since my night of intense revelation. I have to say that Friday was by far the hardest, as everything slowly started to sink in just as a sponge absorbs water, bit by bit until it’s all consumed.
One thing that I will say is that, despite the heaviness that comes with recognizing that one has a personality disorder, to recognize myself as such is also incredibly freeing. At this point I have no answers and no solutions. All I have is concrete reasoning for the way that I am today. So though the road ahead of me is most likely long and labourious, I take the first steps with a smile and a joyful heart. I know that this road will only lead somewhere really, really great.
I have had an overwhelming outpouring of love, support, care and concern from those around me. It has come from obvious sources and obscure sources. From a chat until the wee hours of the morning with Dianne and Lauren to phone calls with Jane and Rebecca and even a sunny afternoon walk and talk with Matty, everyone seems to think that nothing but positivity will come out of this. So to all of you who have taken the time to talk, think, listen, share and care, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I truly had no idea that I would be surrounded by so much goodness. I have so much love for you all in my heart.
From here, I just ask that you cross your fingers. I have urgently petitioned with my employer to amend the perametres of our health benefits and coverage so that it may be inclusive of Registered Clinical Counsellors. Unfortunately, without the coverage, I can only afford maybe a handful of sessions, but even that looks doubtful. However, I did manage to pick up a new book today by renowned psychologist and author, Susan Anderson. Ms. Anderson deals specifically with those that have suffered great loss and, in turn, deal with the turmoil and trauma of the Fear of Abandonment. She is also the one that coined the term “abandoholic” as seen in my last post. Her book, Journey From Abandonment to Healing, should hopefully begin to point me in the right directions so that I, too, can find healing in my heart.
Thanks again, everybody.
Much love.
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7 Comments
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Beside you all the way…love you.
Yeah, glad the wheels are in motion. I’m sure it will all work out.
i love this, and mostly i love you.
ok?
emdids.
Hey, it’s Jeremy…been quite a while. My wife and I were driving in gastown on Sunday and randomly saw you walking (I guess with Matt?). I mentioned it to a friend and he said that he saw you on Matt’s site.
It seems that you have a good crew of friends, so be encouraged.
Jeremy
I can only speculate to who you are - I haven’t known many Jeremys in my lifetime. If, by chance, this is the Jeremy I’m thinking of, then I especially want to thank you for being humble and posting such a kind encouragement. I truly hope that life is finding you well.
Feel free to “stop by” here anytime.
Aw, that picture of you at the top of the page makes my heart smile… Arigato to you! hehe
I’m glad you are so excited about where this journey is going to take you… You are loved much!
Oh, and you are developing a lovely golden tan!
[...] readers of my blog may recall posts I wrote in May of 2007 with regard to a personality disorder I uncovered in my life. When I was a teenager, I lost two men of ultimate import within just a few years of [...]