Keira-anne.com

If I had something deep and profound that I wanted to say, I would do so. Today I have no opinionated commentary to make, nor do I have something encouraging that I want to share.

I have struggled through most of my double-digit life with baseless timidity. For more than half of my years, I have fought against feelings of self-doubt and a lack of feeling self-assured. No doubt to me that to feel such a way is frustrating to say the least because, deep down, I know that these anxieties are as I just stated – baseless.

Times come and go in my life in which I find that the irrational part of my female mind completely takes over. The fact that I’m female does largely have to do with this, because I do believe that women are much less logical thinkers than men in many ways. Argue me to the death on that point if you will, but it’s a belief that I hold on to quite strongly. Not to say that women aren’t capable of logic – they are. And me, in particular? Absolutely - though I will freely admit that it takes me much more time to get to that place of rationality.

Continuing on with my earlier point, feeling this way causes a lot of aggravation. I know that, truth be told, I am a fantastic woman with many wonderful qualities and a lot to offer to my family, friends and loved ones. The logical part of my brain tells me so, and I don’t doubt that. Therefore, when these times in my life rear their ugly heads and attack, I’m really not sure how to handle it. The anxiety causes me a lot of stress and a lot of upset. I constantly question myself “what’s wrong with me?” or “what is it about me that isn’t good enough?” when, really, I should be finding ways to exhort myself (in a non-narcissistic way, of course).

I’m not sure what the point of writing this is. I don’t feel like I’ve relieved myself of anything or gotten something off of my chest. And really, there’s nothing to say about something such as this. There isn’t a pat answer or a solution to what quandaries consume me. Encouraging reminders are everywhere, yes, but they don’t actually accomplish much in the grand scheme of things. This is just me and this is just where I’m at.

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While we’re on such a cheery topic, I’d just like to say that my iPod Shuffle (yes, the really old model) is finally biting the dust after more than a year. Its battery will no longer hold a charge beyond an hour or two, rather than the usual 12+ hours. Does anyone love me enough to buy me a 1G iPod Nano? Please? Someone?