Keira-anne.com

Do you like meat? Tonight I made a succulent pork roast in honour of my Aunt’s 29th birthday. Doesn’t it look tasty? Brock thinks it looks like it exploded with flavour. Yeah…it was so tender when I took it out of the oven that it flaked apart as I cut it. Perhaps that was because of the garlic and rosemary I rubbed all over it with olive oil. And I’m sure the white wine sauce I glazed over the slices didn’t hurt either. Basically I’m an amazing cook. Plus I made spaghetti squash, mashed potatoes, served it with my mom’s homemade applesauce and some Venice bread.

And what was for dessert? Yah, Sex In A Pan. What could be better than a succulent, creamy, juicy, hot, filling birthday? Pretty much nothing.

Oh yah…and I carved a pumpkin today with my aunt. Check me out at Flickr.

You’re listening to: “Physical Attraction” by Madonna (we’re talkin’ old school here)

I have long been an admirer of skateboarding. It’s a huge part of pop culture that I’ve always oggled over. Everyone from the Beastie Boys to Bam Margera to Willy Santos have all blown my mind. I remember standing around at Slam City Jam watching the riders drop-in, rail-grind…and even just stand upright on the boards totally balanced. I was jealous.

I’ve decided that I need something constructive to channel myself into since everything else in my life right now seems to be destructing. Okay, so that’s somewhat of a hyperbole but it certainly feels that way. Anyways, Susie popped the trunk on her car to reveal her 10+ years old Willy Santos deck with Sumo wheels. I grabbed it and rode down the length of our parking garage.

“Can I borrow this? Riding this is actually making me smile.”

“Sure” she replied.

So now the deck is sitting in my entranceway, waiting to come back to the Island with me this weekend. This is the first time in weeks that I’ve been really excited about something. True, I am excited for Christmas, setting up my decorations and shopping and all that, but that isn’t yet something tangible. Although, making my wish list did leave me a little tingly.

You’re listening to: “Sure Shot” by the Beastie Boys

My day was great! Well, aside from the rain, the soaker in my left foot, my “friend” whose supposed care and concern for me is all talk and no action ie. (doesn’t truly give a shit about me), almost losing my Tibetan pendants - one of my only actually valued possessions , breaking down into tears outside of the courthouse for no reason and my depression and constant unhappiness. And hey…it’s not even 5pm so who knows what else could happen today? How was your day?

I ask that with my tongue firmly planted in my cheek. I will make no excuses for how I feel or what I think right now. For those of you that can’t take this version of me, then you can’t take this version of me. But I’m not going to pretend to be all flaky and happy. Done.

You’re listening to: “Human Nature” by Madonna

He’s somewhere between Williams Lake and Quesnel right now. My brother’s whirlwind quest to find a new job started to take shape today as he boarded the bus at 7:45 a.m. After being accepted to work at an oil rig camp in Northern BC, Trevor had just a few days to gather the gear he needed (especially cold-weather clothing), buy a bus ticket and prepare to head out into the great unknown. True, he’s only heading to Northern BC and could be going much, much further, but for a family that is as small and close-knit as ours is, it isn’t easy to have a quarter of the pie a 30-hour bus ride away. Thank goodness a flight would take him only 3 hours. He spent last night here at my place, so we chowed down on enchiladas and cookies - gotta pack that polar bear weight on him. I’m sure that this will be an amazing, growing experience for him, but I can’t wait until he’s back for the holidays!

On a totally separate tangent, today I figured out the key to all of life’s potential problems, issues and stresses. It struck me quite suddenly. Simply put, “fuck it.” Seriously, it sounds juvenile, but if we were actually able to say “fuck it” when something comes up, things would be a lot easier to deal with objectively. True, this is only a logical solution and doesn’t take into account factors such as heart and emotions, but sometimes logic is where to start. So next time you deal with a stress-inducing co-worker, a burst pipe or anything else that makes you want to rip your hair out, repeat my mantra: “Fuck it.”

P.S. People, it’s a lot, not alot.

You’re listening to: “Daniel” by Elton John

Two days in a row - can you believe it? Last night I met Pepper at the corner of Davie and Granville for a girls’ night. We washed back our Cactus Club beef fajitas with bellinis and margeritas and enjoyed dressing up for a men-free night for once. Soon after we arrived at the restaurant, I raved at how excited I was that they were playing older Depeche Mode. Pepper looks at me and says: “Who?”

“Depeche Mode!” I say. “This is only one of their best-known songs!”

“Oh, I’ve never heard of them…”

I felt old. We left Cactus to head to my place to pour some martinis and spend quality time with our favourite role models: Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte. It always feels so good to watch “Sex and the City.” It’s one of the smartest shows for women - and men - that actually conveys a lot of truths about male slash female relationships.

In case I forgot to mention it in an earlier post, I made some epic decisions two weeks ago.

1) I will re-evaluate what it is in life that I truly value - things that are lasting and genuine as opposed to temporary and fleeting - and ensure that I take steps to make sure my life reflects those values.

2) Instead of fruitlessly investing of myself and my heart into men and potential relationships, I will place my effort into the friendships I have already established and stay away from the dating scene for a while. It’s friendships that pay forward and are a guaranteed return on your investment.

So far, things are working out pretty well in this regard. I want to be the kind of friend that shows up. The kind of friend that listens. I want to be the person that when others speak of, they think “yes, she is a good and faithful friend to me.” So please, you my friends, feel more than free to correct me when I’m not being the kind of friend I desire to be. Communicate with me!

I love you all very, very much.

You’re listening to: “Enjoy the Silence” by Depeche Mode

I’m slipping. It’s been a week since my last post, but truthfully, I have excuses: 1) I haven’t had anything of significance to post about; 2) I haven’t felt like posting; and 3) I don’t want my blog to turn into a persistent sob story. Therefore, this post is just gonna be full of miscellaneous ramblings about the last week, and I’m pretty sure I won’t go into too much depth.

For Susan and I, wow what a week. Hasn’t been the greatest, without a doubt, but thank God for my job because it’s the only consistent thing keeping me not only sane, but allowing my brain to focus on something other than my incessant thoughts 24/7. Last night Susan and Heather came over after work and we downed copious amounts of alcohol and proceeded to watch “Jackass the Movie” as Susan was a Jackass Virgin. Basically she’s in love now.

Earlier in the week I went to see Kevin Costner and Ashton Kutcher’s new movie, “The Guardian,” with Vale. Hands down, one of the best movie-going experiences I’ve had in a very long time. Go see it. Two nights later I went to see “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning” with Darren and some of his buddies. Hands down, the goriest movie-going experience I have ever had. Movies like “Kill Bill,” “Hostel,” and “Saw” aren’t even in the same realm of gore as this flick was. In fact, Darren had to leave the theatre for about 15 minutes because it was more than he could handle.

Thursday night I was able to reconnect with Darcy at a very cool little restaurant over at Main and King Ed called Locus. Go eat there. After last night’s indulgence with the girls, that brings us to today. I got up around 9 and hit the gym, then went out with Vale for a bit. He bought “Brick” and season 1 of “Sex and the City” on DVD pour moi, and then we hit this place at Granville and Davie that we love for 39 cent wings. Now, as I sit here blogging and waiting until I meet Pepper for bellinis, martinis and the “Sex” girls, I must turn my attention to my Wish List. Only 65 days until Christmukkah!

“I hear those j-i-n-g-l-e bells!”

Post Edit: The pic at the top is the sunset off the border of the James Bay/Oak Bay neighbourhoods. I’m still really thinking that Victoria is where I’ll end up next summer. Also, I added a new link in my link section, as well as deleted blogs of people who haven’t bothered to write anymore. Shame on them.

You’re listening to: “Brown-Eyed Girl” by Van Morrison (I always wished this song was blue, just for me)

Welcome to my life. For those of you that are regulars swingin’ by this joint, you may as well pass it by because it’s more verbal diarrhea from the mouth of moi. Basically, everything I write all goes back to the same place lately. More thoughts, more questions, more probing and more deciding what I should and shouldn’t do. I need to figure out what’s best for me, short-term and long-term, and decide what’s healthiest.

One decision I have made, which ideally should come so naturally to everyone, is the choice to spend more of my efforts on friendships that have already strongly been established. There’s nothing wrong with letting new people in your life, but at least those that are already in your life are a wise investment - you’re guaranteed to get a return. We so desperately chase after love and fulfillment when, really, we get it unconditionally from so many sources from which we take for granted.

Yesterday was another lame-o day for myself, and for Susan too, so she and I went straight to the Lennox Pub after work and I downed two Stellas in about 45 minutes. I really wanted to go home after, but once I was there, I was sharply aware of the fact that I didn’t want to be alone. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect because within literally moments, Stathi called to remind me that it was “our night.” And even more perfectly was that when I greeted him in my parking lot, he emerged from his car with not only his amazing self, but knowing the day I’d had, also brought two of my favourite sandwiches from his parents’ restaurant, a delicious bottle of red wine and a little bit of BC green to chill out with. He’s wonderful!

What a more perfect example to solidify my thinking. I spend my time putting effort into something I get no return from. When really, I have amazing friends that, when I need them, they’re there for me - ten fold. I want to be the kind of friend that gives 100% back to what I get. Even Brockoli was ready to jump on a bus downtown so I didn’t have to be alone, but instead simply imparted wisdom to me. So thanks for that, Brock.

This life stuff is pretty darned hard to figure out, but I’m getting there one day at a time.

My future is still unwritten
No one else can feel it for me
Only I can let it in
No one else can speak the words on my lips
I’ll drench myself in words unspoken
Life my life with arms wide open
Today is where my story begins
Because the rest is still unwritten

You’re listening to: “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield

Basically, pretty much Austin told me that my title should be just that. And so it is. It’s true though - I do miss Austin, but I also miss a lot of other people in my life. Y’all should pretty much know who you are. If you question it, then maybe I don’t miss you. Who am I kidding? I miss everyone I’m not with right now and I’m tired so I’m rambling.

I’m happy - and very proud - to present to you a post that will (hopefully) be chalked full of optimism and luscious wisdom. Some days for me are stunted, some are growing days, and some are days that I can’t wait to see the end of. Lately, most of my days have been of the latter sort, but today wasn’t really one of them. I’d say today was a neutral day.

It’s funny the changes I see in myself as I get older. Not that I am old by any means, but there’s undoubtedly a transformation that seemed to hit me when I reached my mid-20s. Most of it is self-awareness and the realizations of what is at the core of who I am. This “blossoming” has also brought to the surface my insecurities and vulnerabilities, and that’s actually a really good thing. Not only can I focus on working on these issues (yes, I said issues), but I can also let the people around me know what they are so that my insecurities aren’t played into. I would hope that my friends would tell me the same about themselves in return.

I’m not really sure where I’m going with this post. I’m happy to be me, today anyways. I know that a lot of my current circumstances and overwhelming (and seemingly intense) pressures to make decisions about my life have caused me a great deal of anxiety and downright depression lately. Thankfully it’s not an incessant, day-in/day-out feeling but it’s certainly persistent. I have to allow myself to learn that what will be, will be. There is nothing I can do to control or persuade. The cards will lay as they fall. It’s fate.

P.S. I really want to dance to this song at my wedding. I want it to be fun.

And another P.S. Emily, will you marry me?

You’re listening to: “D’yer Mak’er” by Led Zeppelin from Houses of the Holy

My blog is pretty much like a record you’ve got set on repeat, isn’t it? Today I arrived back in Vancouver, which basically equates that today my “depression” (ouuu…there’s that bad word) will manifest. I’ve come to realize that I’m in a life slump and this life slump has been going on for probably about a month now. I will say it:

I am dissatisfied with my life at this point in time.

Why, you ask? I live more than a Sunday’s drive from my family, I am up to my ass in student loan debt, I don’t own a vehicle, I come home to an empty apartment every single fucking day and I have no prospects of entering motherhood within any realistic foreseeable time in the future. These are all some pretty basic aspects to life which strongly reflect my values.

Am I unhappy? You bet.

At least I can admit it. Sure there are things I could do to improve my situation, and it’s easy to say we’re each responsible for our own happiness. Is it true that I would be much, much happier living in, say, Parksville or Qualicum, earning half as much but having the ability to be in the places I really love whenever I want? Absolutely. But is that the best decision to make at this moment? That I’m unsure of. Yes I have a “good” job and I earn a really fantastic salary, but at what cost to me? I’m unhappy. But is it wise to leave here? Who really knows?

I’ll leave you with those thoughts for tonight, perhaps to add more tomorrow, but feel free to kick in your two cents. In fact, feel free to kick me in the ass if you think it’ll help.

Other than that, I haven’t much to look forward to really. Vale and I went to see Martin Scorsese’s new film, “The Departed,” this evening, and it was hands-down a fantastic piece of cinema. After seeing him venture into period pieces like “Gangs Of New York” and “The Aviator” over the last few years, it’s lovely to see him return to gangland flicks, a la “Goodfellas.” And I do believe it’s now safe to say that Leonardo DiCaprio is easily Scorsese’s muse. Speaking of, I think it’s unfortunate that DiCaprio has such a stigma attached to him. I think “Titanic” was terrible for his career, but “The Departed” was the first time in a long time that, after a while, you forget you’re watching Leonardo DiCaprio.

And on that note, to prevent this from becoming a movie review blog, I’ll leave it at that. Goodnight.

You’re listening to: “To All Of You” by Syd Matters