Keira-anne.com

Every single time that I return to Vancouver from the Island, I feel the way that I feel right now. Sometimes it’s with more intensity, sometimes it’s more subdued. But the truth of the matter is that I feel longing, I feel irritable, I feel empty and I absolutely loathe being back in this hedonistic metropolis. The worst part of it all is that I have to come home to an empty apartment, and doing so only reminds me of what I desire.

I don’t need validation. I don’t need to feel like I have what’s called “a life.” I don’t even need someone to take care of me - I’m capable of all of that independently. But I desperately crave companionship. I need to be part of a team. I wish that there was someone on the other side of my apartment door when I come home…someone who’d put on a pot of tea for me, curl up in bed and watch a movie while the rain comes down. Maybe even take a nap together. So needless to say, unlocking 1209 does not leave me feeling fulfilled.

There is something constant and familiar and comfortable about Vancouver Island. Even the creepy, so-called “dwarf” at the Esso/A&W in Nanoose Bay (which, I might add, had his eyes lit up today so that was incredibly creepy) is a familiar sight to me. I miss my family, I miss my home and my truck, I miss the idea of what I could have on the Island with the right person. I hate that I desire that with “D” - with someone who is nowhere near the same headspace that I am in and couldn’t give a shit about me.

But this is where I am today and, at the very least, it’s honest.

You’re listening to: “Homelife” by John Mayer from Heavier Things